Deception of worse kind

Im a total scumbag.... Im married and although I was going through a rocky bad patch there was no reason ir excuse for what I have done. I met a lovely Russian girl online. We got on really well. I didnt mean to fall in love but I did. But then after 6 months she wanted to meet. I knew this,wasnt going to happen so I backed out and instead of just telling her outright I told her I was serously ill and needed an operation. Then I made up an email address pretending to be my brother. Then later my fake brother told her I had died.SHe was heartbroken, devastated. I decieved her when I should have been honest. She did nothing wrong. But then she found out somehow I was alive and she rightly told me what she thought of me. I hate what I did. I just cringe when I think of the hurt i.caused. I wrote abd told her the truth but it was too late and now I just hate myself. I need forgiveness and i.just want to say that if anyone else out there is thinking of decieving anyone else this way, DONT! You will regret it like me... Forever!!!!!

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