Dunno what to do!

I was in a bad relationship a while back. Not abusive or anything but basically it started out good, I really loved my boyfriend at the time a lot but unfortunately he got into some situations involving drug deals that I wasn't comfortable with. I kept asking him to stop, and eventually it started effecting our relationship and the time we spent together. I started getting depressed and lonely.

Anyway, towards the end of our relationship, but while we were still together, I met this guy who was also in a rough spot with a girl. They were broken up but she was pursuing him relentlessly and he wanted nothing to do with her anymore as far as a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship goes.. We both had a lot in common and ended up hanging out one night with a mutual friend, which is how I met him in the first place.

A couple days went by after we hung out and I got a text from a number that turned out to be him. He was asking how I was and if I wanted to hang out again. I felt guilty for getting excited when I found out it was him. I quickly realized I was REALLY attracted him and it might not be a good idea. I answered back but told him I wasn't sure if I could. I then called my boyfriend and begged him to come over and spend time with me. He told me he was with a friend (druggie/drug dealer friend) and they had 'work' to do. It hurt my feelings/p***** me off so I hung up and immediately sent a text back to this other guy telling him I could hang out.

He came over that night while my mom was out for the night with her boyfriend and we played xbox for a couple hours. Then I asked if he liked stand-up and we decided to watch some stand-up and drink. I got a buzz really quickly because I don't drink often. To be honest he still had no idea I had a boyfriend. He started telling me how sexy I was, what a nice body I had etc. As soon as he put his hand on my bare upper thigh it was over. I was super turned on and he's REALLY hot so I pretty much just let go of everything and went with it. He started kissing my neck and rubbing my t*** through my shirt. I undid his pants and gave him a 'helping hand'. I'm sure you can guess the rest. We went at it all night long until we passed out.

I felt guilty and wanted to come clean to my boyfriend and the guy I had s** with. But at the same time I couldn't stop thinking about this other guy and how I felt about him. I called my boyfriend and before I could even begin to tell him what happened he told me he wanted to break up. I started crying and obviously didn't fight very hard because I knew it was coming anyway. I felt like since he wanted it to be over there was no point in making it worse by telling him what had happened. I even confided in my mom with my situation and she agreed.

I kept talking to this other guy and hanging out with him on a regular basis. He eventually came over one night at random looking anxious so I let him in. We went up to my room and before I even closed the door he blurted out 'Could you ever see yourself loving me? because I love you so much I just want to be with you and I need to know if you feel the same way'. I pretty much realized at that moment that I did feel the same way and I wanted to be with him, too. A year and a half later here we are. We're engaged to be married and more in love than ever. But I never told him that the first time we had s** that I had a boyfriend and for a while it was out of my mind but now that we're about to get married it keeps coming back. I feel guilty and I love him with all my heart and I'm not sure if I should say anything about it. Any advice would help?

Oct 6, 2012

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  • Hmm... tricky... sometimes things are better left unsaid, and i think this is a case of that... your druggie ex did you no favours, you may as well have been single at that point really... but i suppose it depends on if you think your current really needs/deserves to know... there's a chance that the pain it causes outweighs the "good karma" of telling him. You're probably best just chalking it up to experience, and a personal hiccup... i dont think given the specific circumstances you need to burden your current with that knowledge.

  • Thanks for responding. This is the same advice my closest friend gave me. I really love my fiance, and the last thing I want to do is hurt him. I had never cheated on anyone before and I didn't sleep around even when I was single so that whole experience was completely new to me and out of character.

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