First love

My first feelings of romantic love were for a woman. The thing is, I was not yet a woman at the time. I was an 11 year old girl. I was always grown up for my age, both in how I looked and how I acted. So honestly, I don't think I realized how young I still was. I knew I was still pretty much a child, or a preteen, really, but I didn't quite feel that way, if that makes any sense. ANYWAY, to get to the point, I was in this Shakspeare play (abridged, of course, because the whole cast was kids around my age.) But we had this brilliant director. I thought I was just in love with acting, but pretty soon I realized that I was in love with HER. It was soooo romantic and exciting to me at that time, it was like my whole world was opening up. I mean she was gorgeous and talented and I pretty much was head over heels and would have done anything I could to impress her. And honestly, it didn't really occur to me, until later, that this was weird! Well, I knew that I was 11 (and then 12, 13, during the period when I was the most in love with her) and that was she was, um, over 30. But it wasn't really a sexual desire. In fact, I don't know that I really would have known what that felt like, when I was that age. I was just thrilled by everything about her. Looking back on it, in a way it seems a little embarrassing, but also, a little sweet. It was really innocent, to be honest. After that, I started having "crushes" and then eventually, sexual experiences with both men and women. But nothing, no other love, ever felt quite so pure. Or simple. I'm fairly positive she'll never see this, so guess I can say her name. Kristen.

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