I hate it, but I can't help it

About eight months ago, I married a woman with two children, one of whom lived with her and now lives with us. She's a teenager in a private high school, and her brother lives with his father in another town. I've never been attracted to my stepdaughter, nor had any sexual thoughts abut her or felt any physical attraction toward her, not even slightly. Unfortunately, I'm in love with and am almost uncontrollably attracted to one of her girl friends from school, nearly to the point that she's all I can think about during the course of the day, and even at night. In fact, at night, I frequently make love to my wife while thinking about Treecie, and imagining the ways we would please each other if the two of us were together. I imagine being in a permnanent relationship with her, marrying her. She's not beautiful, nor is she overtly sexual, doesn't dress provocatively, and displays no interest in me, but there are ways she moves, things she says, and other traits that just drive me the point of insanity, wanting her soooooo badly. I've even fallen in love with the way she smokes. It's gotten so bad that I avoid being in the same room with her, for fear that she or my wife or stepdaughter will notice that I can't stop looking at her, or that Treecie will notice that I become intensely erect every single time I see her. I have the feeling that she knows how I feel, knows I love her, knows I want to f*** her endlessly, knows that I m********* like made thinking of her body, and knows I want to be with her permanently, because there are times when she just glances at me and smiles this knowing smile, as if to say "I know, sweetheart, I know what you want, and I could so easily take you from your wife". I hope that's not true because the truth would not set me free, it would destroy my life, especially since there's no way I can ever act on my love for her, although I do daydream of waiting a certain number of years for her to reach a certain age and then confessing my love to her. I'm confident that she wouldn't be flattered, or overwhelmed with desire to be with me, but would be horrified that such an old man wanted her so badly and loved her so totally. Still, I can't help loving who I love and wanting what I want. And I want Treecie, more than anything or anyone I've ever known.

Nov 11, 2012

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  • A few years back, I had a similar craving for one of my daughter's school friends, and had even amped up to possibly talk to her about my love for her. Then our family had a cook-out at our house and our daughter invited this girl and several others, and they started talking about this movie they saw where a high school girl was the live-in nanny for a married couple and started having an affair with the father, and they all laughed at it, but Mandy (the girl I was "in love" with) didn't laugh: she said, "God, that's just disgusting.....her with an older guy like that; it's just so sick....ewwwww!" I never fantasized about her again, once I could see how different her perception of the world was than mine, and how differently she viewed the possibility of her life. I was actually about to declare myself to her! Fantasies are wonderful things, but not when they get so out of our control and start impinging on, and interfering with, our reality. Enjoy the thought of Treecie, but always always always remember the reality of Treecie. And remember that the two are not the same, and perhaps not even close to one another.

  • i have a bad case of the hots for a girl who is my daughter's best friend and i understand totally what you said about wanting something you know you can never have. it kills me. and the more i realize that i shouldnt even think about her, the more i think about her. i wish i could wipe the girl out of my memory banks and not ever see her again, except for the fact that i am in love with her.

  • How can you crave a person named "Treecie"...seriously??? Ugh.

  • LOL, I understand that, completely. When I heard her name, for 3-4 months before I ever met her, my thought was "How could her parents have done that to her.....to anybody?" But then the moment I met her -- I can still see and feel that second, on the night she came to our house -- I got hit with her lightning bolt, and the oddity of the nickname was obliterated. Her real name, just for context, is "Patrice" (named for a singer her parents admited), and I even tried calling her that a couple times, but she just laughed and said she prefers "Treecie". Maybe she'll outgrow the nickname, or tire of it, but for now "Treecie" is precisely who she is and I never even think of how different it is. And that's because all I can think of is how incredibly badly I want her. Thanks.

  • Be careful....prison sucks

  • Thanks for the cautionary note, but no worries: nothing is ever going to happen between her and me, because it can't. All of this is happening between my ears, and I realize it can't happen in the real world. That's probably part of the frustration, wanting her so badly and recognizing the futility of the feeling, no matter how deep or intense or lasting. Thanks for the note.

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