I hate it, but I can't help it
About eight months ago, I married a woman with two children, one of whom lived with her and now lives with us. She's a teenager in a private high school, and her brother lives with his father in another town. I've never been attracted to my stepdaughter, nor had any sexual thoughts abut her or felt any physical attraction toward her, not even slightly. Unfortunately, I'm in love with and am almost uncontrollably attracted to one of her girl friends from school, nearly to the point that she's all I can think about during the course of the day, and even at night. In fact, at night, I frequently make love to my wife while thinking about Treecie, and imagining the ways we would please each other if the two of us were together. I imagine being in a permnanent relationship with her, marrying her. She's not beautiful, nor is she overtly sexual, doesn't dress provocatively, and displays no interest in me, but there are ways she moves, things she says, and other traits that just drive me the point of insanity, wanting her soooooo badly. I've even fallen in love with the way she smokes. It's gotten so bad that I avoid being in the same room with her, for fear that she or my wife or stepdaughter will notice that I can't stop looking at her, or that Treecie will notice that I become intensely erect every single time I see her. I have the feeling that she knows how I feel, knows I love her, knows I want to f*** her endlessly, knows that I m********* like made thinking of her body, and knows I want to be with her permanently, because there are times when she just glances at me and smiles this knowing smile, as if to say "I know, sweetheart, I know what you want, and I could so easily take you from your wife". I hope that's not true because the truth would not set me free, it would destroy my life, especially since there's no way I can ever act on my love for her, although I do daydream of waiting a certain number of years for her to reach a certain age and then confessing my love to her. I'm confident that she wouldn't be flattered, or overwhelmed with desire to be with me, but would be horrified that such an old man wanted her so badly and loved her so totally. Still, I can't help loving who I love and wanting what I want. And I want Treecie, more than anything or anyone I've ever known.