I starve myself so my son will have more food
I'm in the middle of a nasty divorce, and for revenge I suppose, or just to prove I can't care for our son, my husband locked me out of our food stamp account (both online and put a security code on the account for on the phone) and cancelled them. This month we have had no food stamps.
That's not my confession though. My confession is that whenever I know we're going to be low on food, I start starving myself so there will be more food for my son. Like today, the only thing I've eaten is a package of ramen. It's not like that's all we have and that I can't eat, but it's more like I'm so afraid of running out of food that I purposely don't eat so that never happens.
I feel really weak, and I've been really depressed/moody from my blood sugar being insanely low. But I keep going, I HAVE to keep going, for him. I cover up how I'm feeling and I just try to stay bouncy and positive so he doesn't realize what's going on.
My four year old son asks me, "why don't you eat, momma?" and I don't know what to tell him.
I don't really know why I'm confessing this. I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me, and I keep this a secret from everyone, not just my son. I guess... I just need to say it and get it out there because I don't like harboring big secrets like this.