I starve myself so my son will have more food

I'm in the middle of a nasty divorce, and for revenge I suppose, or just to prove I can't care for our son, my husband locked me out of our food stamp account (both online and put a security code on the account for on the phone) and cancelled them. This month we have had no food stamps.

That's not my confession though. My confession is that whenever I know we're going to be low on food, I start starving myself so there will be more food for my son. Like today, the only thing I've eaten is a package of ramen. It's not like that's all we have and that I can't eat, but it's more like I'm so afraid of running out of food that I purposely don't eat so that never happens.

I feel really weak, and I've been really depressed/moody from my blood sugar being insanely low. But I keep going, I HAVE to keep going, for him. I cover up how I'm feeling and I just try to stay bouncy and positive so he doesn't realize what's going on.

My four year old son asks me, "why don't you eat, momma?" and I don't know what to tell him.

I don't really know why I'm confessing this. I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me, and I keep this a secret from everyone, not just my son. I guess... I just need to say it and get it out there because I don't like harboring big secrets like this.

Report this

4 Comments

  • newest
  • oldest
  • most replies
  • most popular
  • You should eat too so that you have the strength to work and buy food. Talk to a social services worker and tell them about your food stamp situation to get your account fixed or get one of your own without your husband. Don't just sit on your ass starving, do something about it. Good luck.

  • Ummm... I like how you assumed I haven't done anything about the situation. ;)

    Where I live, the only way to talk to them is through a phone call to a hotline. There are no offices or social workers to talk to in person. I've already told them my situation, but they're making me wait until next month to get food stamps again due to "processing".

    I go to the local food pantries, but unfortunately most of the food they give you is just random stuff (like condiments) and not really anything substantial... also, they don't provide enough food for even one person to survive on.

  • ^ Also, your son is keenly aware of what you're doing. That is not healthy for him to pick up on that bad behavior too. You don't want him to develop an unhealthy relationship surrounding food. There is help out there, go and seek it out. Your son needs you, that should be reason enough to keep going. Starving yourself can lead to death.

  • Yeah, I know. :-/ And trust me, I'm worried, not only about the effect this may have on him, but also the effect it may have on me. Unfortunately though I've done everything I can do. I've even asked friends to help out with this month, and the most I've gotten out of it was some leftovers from a baby shower. Of course, I'm not complaining - even that much was appreciated - but I just wish someone out there would help enough so that I wouldn't be constantly worried about our food situation... especially since child protective services is involved due to my son reporting abuse by my husband, and they expect to see stocked shelves at all times or they mark me down as unable to provide for our son.

Account Login
Signup
Is this post inapropriate?
Is this comment inapropriate?
Delete this post?