Aching for more
I confess my boyfriend is just not doing it for me anymore sexually, though i do care for him as a person. he's everything a girl could want, except when it comes to the bedroom. he tries, but is just not very passionate or aggresive the way i need. also sadly he's not very big, which is not such a huge deal but would be nice. he just doesn't try. s** his way is missionary, 15 seconds of foreplay, then just gentle thrusting no kissing for 5 minutes max. afterwards i usually grab a reliable toy and get myself off while he watches or drifts off like he's bored.
i have been blatantly honest with him about this problem. his basic response is that this is just a phase that will pass, and that after we get married and have kids my s** drive will vanish anyway. his main focus is our emotional intellectual connection, and in that area he is confident that we are soulmates for life. when i show him the p*** i watch, or try to introduce kinkier websites to him, he acts as if i am a pervert. he also thinks, as do i at times, that i have not fully dealt with some things that happened in the past, and that they affect my
drive and hunger. regardless i am explicit about what i want. and he is understanding but explains he just doesn't share my passions.
i'm not a bad looking girl at all, nor fat. not being stuck up but i get checked out often and asked out more times than i want to. i'm surrounded by guys at work who know i have a boyfriend, but still flirt with me. i honestly wonder how long i can hold out.
i want something animalistic, passionate, wild, even taboo. he wants gentle and boring. btw i am 23, he's 24, we've been together almost 2 years. in that time he's gone down on me ONE time, just not his thing he says. he doesn't even get enthused about a bj, which again is no big loss for me considering the size problem. i've cheated on him 3 times out of sheer desperation. i kept the affairs brief because i wanted no chance of ever hurting him or being found out. i know it won't be long before i cheat again.
i hate being in love with him, and have only myself to blame for this, i know.
i know the marriage proposal is coming this christmas.
i have to decide quickly.