....that I feel like I am worth more than I am being treated by my husband, family,friends and co-workers.
Husband...He is a good man, but I feel that he doesnt love me. I mean real love. The look that says it all is not there. That look of passion, desire, and honesty. We havent been intmate for over a year. And he hasnt made an effort. It rips me apart inside. I cant leave because my job doesnt pay enough for me to support myself and my children.
My family.....I am the black sheep. I dont know why? My parents treat me less than what I should be treated. I wasnt a bad child. I played sports, I behaved. I did not have s** with random guys or do drugs, or ever get in trouble with the law, like my sister did. But they treat my sister so much better than me. I had a child at the age of 19, and ever since then its been "Why cant you be like your sister?" kind of deal. Oh your sister got expelled from school for drugs, but she has a assocate and a bachlors in Social Science. They will watch her child at a drop of the hat, but when it comes to watching my children, they need a months notice and forms filled in triplicate.
Friends.....I feel like I have never had a true friend. Growing up the ones that I thought were my friends just hung out with me because they felt sorry for me. Those whom I would do anything for, have always bailed on me. There is NOT one person that has always been there. I have been the one that has always been there for people but always get s****** on. I do not trust anyone now because of it. And it is a double edged sword. My walls are so high.
Co-workers.....I hate my bosses, and the their kiss ass...They sit there and say how hard they have had it and will not lift a damn finger or even pay the other workers a liveable wage..but go ahead and fly to new york for the weekend, and buy a house in another state and tell me how f****** wonderful you are....I hate my job.
I may seem like I fit in, but I really dont.
I feel so alone.
I just want to be accepted.