And the end creeps closer..
My boyfriend of a year and a half is probably the most difficult person to be with. He has bipolar, and anxiety. hes a rageaholic. has intimacy issues. he takes things too seriously. and apparently doesn't know how to listen..
I love him. so very much. but lately it feels like we fight 99% of the time about stupid s***.. and the same stupid s*** over and over. honestly i feel im coming to my breaking point with him.. i dont want to leave him.. i really really dont.. but its like no matter what i say to him it never sinks in. i told him to make an important call on his day off.. and three days later he still hasnt.. i asked him to clean up n move the cat litter cuz a friend was coming over.. he cleaned around the box but never relocated it. he says time and time again that he doesnt want to fight and that he wants us both to feel happy again.. but he doesnt do anything to prevent the fights or to try and make me happy. you know im not a perfect gf.. i get overly jealous. im easily irritable. i dont like being ignored (but nobody does) and i dont like feeling like im second best to anyone or anything.. and alot of times i do. he always tells me its my own fault i feel like that cuz he doesnt put anyone above me. yet hes always talking to his female coworker.. always texting her. shes been over three times this f****** week to smoke with him.. one of which i was not informed of.. and although he kind of apologized, and swore it wont happen again, i'm sure it will. he very rarely keeps promises to me.. we were supposed to go to boston one day after he got a double paycheck.. we never did due to snow, and even if we did he had already spent his whole double check.. on anything but me. he done stuff like that. promise hes going to spend his taxes on something nice for me. and doesnt. u see the trend.
Im not a high maintenance girl. ik he doesnt always have money, and i dont push to make him take me out on dates. im ok with date nights at home.. and i dont nag him to buy me flowers or cute gifts.. if he hands me his debit card n tells me to buy myself something, 99% of the time i just spend my own $. but i require alot of attention.. im still young, and s** is still fairly new to me.. so i want to have s**.. and he just doesnt. it feels like he never wants to.. and honestly it makes me feel bad about myself. makes me think that im too ugly. or too fat. or bad in bed.. he swears its not me. its his own problem.. but idk.. hes a guy isnt it supposed to be programed into his brain to want to have s** ALOT? (ik bad stereotype.. but seriously.. he should want it more then he gives it to me..) But no. he would rather play his stupid video games.. which is why i was set off to write in the first place.. we had an argument thursday.. friday i still hadnt recovered.. i didnt even want him to cuddle me.. which is BAD seeing as i am a HUGE cuddler.. then saturday he worked while i stayed home and after i went to get my friend so we could drink that night. we got really drunk.. and my bf got h****. tried talking my friend into a threesome with us (which i was ok with) but that never happened.. and today we took my friend home at 2.. came back and my bf went to sleep again.. and i stayed up on the laptop.. h**** the whole time.. The second he woke up he turned on his f****** ps3 and started playing skyrim.. which is one of his f****** games that he gets so into he forgets about me.. now i have work at 11 tonight n im not going to spend any f****** time with him, and he obviously doesnt give two s**** since he hasnt said a word to me since the game turned on, except for when i came up from the bathroom.. i wanted to have s** with him so bad all day.. and apparently his dumbass game is more important then satisfying his gf.. im tired of feeling second to a f****** video game.. idk how much longer i can take this..