I need help..
I am very sad. I can honestly say that I feel really depressed. Nothing really keeps me happy anymore. I used to play video games or watch movies, but now I find them boring. I can't sleep at night. By that time, I just spend myself watching cooking shows on youtube to pass the time.
I don't know what's the problem. I just feel like I am worthless. Every night, I keep wishing that I don't wake up anymore. Every day I am stressed. I have no work. I don't want to work. My girlfriend left me a long time ago. I don't find this life worth living. I know there are people who are facing faaar more serious problems compared to mine. But me, I already gave up. I just can't imagine myself doing something better. You can keep on saying inspirational things, and even convince me, but there is something that has already died to keep on living.
I have s*** reason to quit living. Everyday is like a punishment for me. Everyday, I just sit my ass all day and use the computer, eat, bath, and sleep. The problem? Nothing. I'm just tired for this non-directional life. I know I should be working but I can't imagine myself doing anything properly. I am already a failure. I was going so far as to google all the lists of painless ways to die, but i can't choose the best and cleanest.. I just wish a sudden heart attack or death in sleep. I want to die, but I don't know how.
Maybe some people don't have what it takes to live. Maybe sometimes there is this depression that suddenly, out of nowhere, sucks the life out of you.. Me? I think I am just a living shell to feel this everyday pain.
I already consider myself a whiny b****, whining even though I appears to just relax myself in front of the computer, or eat and sleep. I have no other major problem. And yet, I feel tired. I feel empty. I don't want this feeling.. Everyday, theses stresses may just build up, and when I lose it, maybe then I can push myself to do it.
I want someone to talk to...