Still crazy over my professor 2 years after graduation

I graduated from college 2 years ago and I remember a particular person who made my whole college experience memorable. We are no longer in touch but I still cannot forget her. In fact, I don't think I ever will. I was 21 years old and she was in her late 30s. She was my professor and I was madly in love with her.

I think my attraction to her started when I asked her to help me out with my assignment after a particularly confusing tutorial class. When everyone had left the class, she pulled out a chair and sat right next to me. While she was explaining, her knee accidentally brushed against mine and I gave a little involuntary jolt. I think she noticed because she suddenly stopped talking. The next few seconds that followed were the most awkward few seconds of my life. Awkward silence, an almost confused apology from her and me blushing furiously. I think at that moment, she knew I had a little thing for her. I expected her to be uncomfortable and to distance herself from me but she was very professional and continued to tutor me for the next 2 months. She never once said 'no' when I asked her for extra help (and I did that very often, about 2 times a week). In fact, (and i don't know if i'm just being delusional and imagining things), she was even nicer to me than she was before.

I text her once at about midnight, out of desperation. I was still having troubles with understanding a particular topic and I was panicking because the paper was on the very next day in the afternoon. Even though the timing was inappropriate, she replied and arranged to meet me for a last minute consultation before the paper. When I arrived the next morning, she gave me a sandwich and a cup of hot chocolate and said "I know you hate breakfast but you have to eat something before your paper". I was shocked because I told her I hated breakfast on the very first class, during the 'introductions' part and when we had to state an 'interesting fact' about ourselves. That was a good 4 months ago. I was surprised she even remembered. When I told her that, she just smiled.

I took the exam and it was such a breeze. I was confident that I could get an A for it. When the paper ended, she went straight up to me, gave me a huge smile and asked how I did. I was so happy because 1) I had finished the paper and it went well and 2) Seeing her smile just made me happy. I wanted so bad to hug her but I thought that would be inappropriate with everyone else around us. So all I did was grin back and thank her.

She was there when I graduated. I even introduced her to my parents. Before she left, she looked me in the eye and told me that she was proud of me. And then she gave me a hug. As I hugged her back, I almost cried. It was really hitting me then that I would never see her again after this. I got really emotional and I think she did too because her eyes got kind of watery. She must have mistook my tears for happiness because she laughed and gave my hand a little squeeze. And then she left and that was the last I saw of her. I never saw her again.

The last I heard of her was that she had resigned from her position. I sent her a text about a year ago, just to see how she was doing and if she remembered me but I got no response. Out of curiosity, I called the number to see if she was deliberately ignoring me. I got an automated response saying that the number was no longer in use. She had changed numbers. Ever since then, I've tried searching for her on Facebook and every social networking site that I could think of. I've tried Googling her name too but I couldn't find any means to contact her.

I wish I could see her again. Not because I want to tell her that I have romantic feelings for her or anything but just because I miss her so much. I am currently in Grad school and the professors here are nice but none can compare to her. I guess I am really writing this confession to get things off my chest. I've never told anyone about her, just a few close friends.

Oh, and also, I'm a girl.

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