Why people shouldn't judge Parent's that don't want kids!!!

I went & got the snip @ 18 years of age! Having been to the doctors they said I was too young for a vasectomy, so £400 ($600) lighter I went to a clinic, lied about my age & had the snip! Twenty years on and my wife informs me she's pregnant!

It's understandable how people feel when they have kids and did everything not to have them! Nearly 18 months later and one sperm test...I'm a dad! Can't stand it, I never wanted them, did what I thought was best and after bucket loads of arguments about an abortion etc...I have a child. Why the h*** someone would have a child with someone that doesn't want one!!?!? Nope, wasn't like the wife didn't believe in abortion!

Unlike other people, I planned ahead, but look what that did. I do however fully understand why people want nothing to do with a child they didn't want or the other side of the coin those that stand up to their mistakes and fake being a parent! I can't stand it, never wanted, never even 'risked' it (so I thought)!!

However, my wife can't work from home and I can...so to save on child care I do it! I treat it just like a work agenda every day, the smiles, the nappy changes and the education and development needs. I get no stimulus, no positive whatsoever and am now emotionally dead! I plan responses, you name it...at least then it's not unfair on the child!

Unlike the sick or blame contingent of society, I'd not accuse people of harming or abusing anyone just because they didn't want a child. I don't hurl abuse but fully understand!

Would I let any harm come to my child or any child or person for that matter!? No never, I don't want nor ever did want kids,but that doesn't mean I'd harm or let harm come to a child!

The difference being the wife knew I never wanted kids, so 'allegedly' did she never want them when I met her some 15 years ago! I said it clearly from the start of any relationship, to give a person that opportunity to go elsewhere! Well that all changed, whether its an accident, mistake or misfortune...I am not to judge, however if someone hates it or even does what I do and fake emotions, don't judge them!

Some light will come at the end of the tunnel, it may even be a train light but either way one will happen! My mindset now is life is over for me...professionally I work purely to pay for baby / child items etc. I can't stand kids parties, was truly happy with my life, working my way up the career ladder, holidays, and weekends away. Who wants to speak about kids 24/7? Really is there a need? Amazingly, my belief that parents have nothing in their life bar being parents is becoming more proven by the day/week/month.

Having disgust my feelings with a few fathers, they can only be honest to me...they dislike most of it. Even some mothers...why the h*** would you bring a child into this world? It's crap, there's a recession, people s**** people over and most people will be working all their lives to pay sufficient into their pension to retire. I suppose I'm lucky, no mortgage etc...lucky? Get real!!

With no family to support (they weren't people I'd associate with) and 'all our friends of similar ilk and not wanting kids or involvement with, they have become distant!' Don't blame them either...all our holidays were couple only holidays, no kids anywhere.

On the flip side, my wife couldn't be happier! Alas, the last time I had a conversation that didn't involve kids was around 33 months ago! That was the day before my world caved in or ended whatever term you use!

Will I have another? Not on your life! why? I had the snip as soon as I found out the last one hadn't worked! Likewise, if you aren't having s**, you can't get someone pregnant! I've stopped...couldn't care less of it! Risks far outweigh any gains in my view!

The difference being that now when driving alone I pray for something to hit me...a tree, anything, just so that the life insurance would kick in!

Am I selfish? A j*** or other item people wish to abuse me with? I don't know, but if I was selfish, I'd have done a runner, not paid a penny, accepted an overseas position instead of declining it, not got some crappy family orientated car that's just BEEP! The one difference is 33 months ago, I was happy, care-free and thriving in life! Now if that train hits me on the way to a meeting...oh well!

Walk a couple of years in my shoes and perhaps people should respect when another doesn't want kids! When a chap says he doesn't want kids, the odds are he doesn't want them...especially those that took significant steps in contraception...

I blame absent Father's for not paying financial support, I don't blame them if they never wanted them! When having a kid, I'd suggest people think about the impact on others...perhaps even ask!

For the people out there that speak about their kids 24/7 get a life, for those that don't want kids...do more! For those that get mindlessly numb talking about kids 24/7 I don't blame you!


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  • Yes, vasectomies do fail... very occasionally. VERY. Since your wife was the one with the baby rabies, how do you know for sure it was just a vasectomy fail and she didn't slither out to get it on with someone who kind of looked like you? Baby-hungry women will get them any way they can; morals go right out the window. As a female who's endured having to listen to way more than one "tee hee, I 'oopsed' him, I'm so clever" story, you need to trust me on this (although I hope for your sake I'm wrong).

  • I agree :) I'm a woman and I agree with you :) I'm sorry this happened to you.I feel like your wife was selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings.She knew you didn't want children, but still went ahead anyways.But, I can also see her side of things, because her choice matters aswell.But, maybe she didn't want children when you both started out and knew you had a vasectomy, so accepted it.But, she may have realised when she became pregnant, that she wanted children and didn't want to give up, on that opportunity.However, I feel empathy and sympathy for you.Because whilst your wife appears happy,you're obviously,not. Bless you, I think you seem like an amazing person, from your OP.Because you seem like a dedicated husband and father,ensuring you provide for both.However, you're sacrificing yourself and your feelings in the process.I think in the long run,it's not healthy to suppress yourself and emotions.Have you tried discussing how you feel, with your wife? Do you love her and want to remain married to her? Being married to someone you can't express your truest feelings to and everyday you're pretentious to,
    seems too much hard work and it shouldn't be like that.

    I hope thinks get better for you :)

  • I don't understand why you don't divorce and leave... You love your wife that much? Otherwise I don't get it. Kids also grow up fine in monoparental families...

  • Know how you feel! Had 3 kids years back; they all left home now thankfully & admire you for staying put there's plenty of us out there!
    Agree with the poster above but its rare for single parent families to be normal! Having worked in the school and prison system you don't see many co-parented people going through the system!!
    Hang in there there will be glimmers of hope & your work (which is also how I saw it) will pay off!
    A prayer for you!

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