Hates being a parent
I went & got the snip @ 18 years of age. Having been to the doctors they said I was too young for a vasectomy, so £400 lighter I went to a clinic, lied about my age & had the snip! Twenty years on and the wife informs me she's pregnant!
I fully understand how you feel, nearly 18 months later and one sperm test, yeap had my doubts...I'm a dad! Can't stand it, I never wanted them, did what I thought was best and after bucket loads of arguments about an abortion etc...I have a child.
Unlike yourself, I planned ahead, but look what that did. I do however fully understand your fake elements! I can't stand it, never wanted, never even 'risked' it (so I thought)!!
However, my wife can't work from home and I can...so to save on child care I do it! I treat it just like a work agenda every day, the smiles, the nappy changes and the education and development needs. I get no stimulus, no positive whatsoever and emotionally dead! I plan responses, you name it...
Unlike the sick or blame contingent, I'd not accuse you of harming or abusing anyone, nor hurl abuse. Would I let any harm come to my child or any child for that matter!? No never, I don't want nor never did want kids but that doesn't mean I'd harm or let harm come to her! The difference being the wife knew I never wanted kids, so 'allegedly' did she never want them! Well that all changed, whether its an accident, mistake or misfortune...I am not to judge, however if you hate it and fake it, just keep going!
Some light will come at the end of the tunnel, it may even be a train light but either way one will happen! My mindset now is life is over for me...professionally I work to pay for the things etc. I can't stand parties, was truly happy with my life, working my way up the career ladder, holidays, and weekends away.
With no family to support and 'all our friends of similar ilk and not wanting kids or involvement with, they have become distant!' Don't blame them either...my wife couldn't be happier! Alas, the last time I had a conversation that didn't involve kids was around 33 months ago! That was around the time my world caved in or ended whatever term you use!
Will I have another? Not on your nelly! why? I had the snip as soon as I found out! Likewise, if you aren't having s**, you can't get someone pregnant! I've stopped...couldn't care less of it! Risks far outweigh any gains!
The difference being that now when driving alone I pray for something to hit me...just so that the life insurance would kick in!
So am I selfish? A j*** or other item people wish to abuse me with? I don't know, but if I was selfish, I'd have done a runner, not paid a penny, accepted an overseas position instead of declining it, not got some s**** family orientated car that's just crap! The one difference is 33 months ago, if asked if 'just' I was stuck in front of an oncoming train? I'd have said yes d get out the way sharpish! Now, I'd have say different!
So walk a couple of years in my shoes and perhaps people should respect when another doesn't want kids!