My life

I dont even know how i wound up on this sight but i figure why not. So im a 20 yr old male i used to get straight a's and modeled for abecrombie and fitch and can put on a pretty good front, but inside im miserable im addicted to alcohol, pills, coke and iv heroin use, i debate killing myself all the time i just put myself and family and friends through h***, im fuked in the head. Im very self centered sometimes i would like to just kill someone to see wat its like so i would have no problem takeing my own life because i know im not a good person i can b vicious and hurtful, but i know it will my family well some of them , my grandfather is a murderer and my father is a addict who uses with me but my mom and sister care and my stepdad beats me but only because he loves me , i just dont know wat to do the only time i feel alright is when im high but as soon as im sober ive only made things worse. I just dont know anymore im lost


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  • You don't sound like a bad person. At times we have all done things we are ashamed or feel like we have demanded too much from others that love us. Stop thinking you are a sociopath because this is not the case. YOu actually seem quite sensitive, which is not a bad thing but is a responsibility. Quit dwelling on the past, dont beat yourself up about it. YOu are still 20, being a model is still an option. Regardless, don't let that past experience lower your current self esteem. I have to agree with the previous poster that your family doesn't seem like they would be much help. Don't let your f***** up family beat you down. You asked, so here is what you should do; First you need to meet someone more sober than you (a good friend) who is willing to help you. YOu will pay them back later when your in the clear. Don't feel guilty for taking up their time. Then you need to let go of your current drug reltionships including the one with your father. I know this may seem easier said than done because your life and "loved ones" are mixed up in all this or propigate it, but i swear as an ex user that you need to make these changes to feel in control again. When you are clean of these vices you can go back to him. Find something to do that is not drugs that gets you out of your head. Sometimes it is good to get perspective when you are extreemly in your head strangely it is hard to self reflect. Once you realize that It is will power that you posses that has made a change, your confidence in your abilities to continue will also expand. First quit the herion my love. My friend,24 a heroin user, has been diagnosed with lymphotic cancer. Trust me you do not want this. I don"t care if you think you deserve this. Do not increase your chances. I would love to give you my contact info as we are the same age and I feel like you truely could use somebody, unfortunately this is not smart because you are not the only audience, but i wish you the best. -p.s. try hot yoga.

  • Killing yourself isn't the answer. I think you need to talk to someone. Someone that you trust. I don't want to offened but your family isn't the answer because they need help too.
    Try and get some advice on how to quit your habbits and try to turn your life around. Just think the only way is up. You never know. In the fture you could make someone's life very happy as well as your own. I'm sure your a lovely person. ~ Mia

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