Companion Confusion - Heart or Head?

I recently moved to a new city on term employment and met another man, who just so happened to be on a contract at the same company.

It turns out that he is miserable in his new position, and wants to move to a different city and get a different job, but doesn't have any idea when this will happen.

We saw each other for about 3 weeks before we decided to go away one weekend on vacation together, and it was great. It was a roadtrip, so we spent a lot of time together, and there has never been a dull moment in the conversation.

Ever since the vacation we have been together almost every day (when we are in the same city together). In my mind, I have taken this as that he is quite interested in me.

To make things more complicated, he has a very ill family member which he goes home to visit every now and then, and it consumes a lot of his thoughts.

We recently had a chat about where we stood in our relationship, and it didn't quite have the outcome that I had hoped. He basically told me that he has several priorities right now, and a relationship is pretty low on the list, especiall when getting another job is high on the list, and involves moving out of this city (where I don't plan on leaving for the time being). He said that even if we were together for another few months, he would still leave if he was presented with another job opportunity.

I am an emotionally attached guy, and I already have strong feelings for him, but I feel that now he might not share these.

During our conversation he said that the time we spent together was welcome "distraction" to his complications in his life at the moment, and he enjoyed the companionship. He also said that he hasn't slept with someone else, and hasn't been looking, but if the opportunity presented itself, he would most likely do it.

His mouth seems to say one thing, but his actions say another.

This morning he told me he thought we should take a break for a couple weeks to give him some space to think and get things completed, but then he asked me out to dinner this evening?!? (Am I crazy for saying yes?)

He said he is hot and cold (especially now in his life), and usually is fine until someone has expectations of him (I said I was looking for a committed relationship), and then once there are expections he distances himself.

In my opinion if I don't give it a shot and just see where it goes, I'll never know what could have been (my heart speaking), but then there is a part of me that says he can't give me what I'm looking for right now, and you most likely will end up getting hurt (my brain speaking).

What do you think?



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  • If you like him, keep being around and understand his needs. He has told you he needs space now but he also feels he has a big load to carry in his life. He just doesn't want you to be an extra load, it would be too much for him at this point. Use the time to see how deep are your feelings for him while making his life lighter, this means keeping a friend role mainly. You will also see how your own feeling evolve, maybe you don't like that much, maybe you get tired of the situation, etc.. But don't act against your heart, just try to understand and help him with his needs and check how you feel about in the meanwhile. The heart always has the important answers but it takes time to get them sometimes ;)

  • You fell for a guy who is unavailable in every way. He's being honest with you about his feelings. It's too bad that he didn't tell you on the first or second date that he is not interested in a relationship. To spend so much time with someone, of course you're going to develop feelings. The bottomline..if you want a committed relationship, then go find a guy who is available now and ready for a commitment. If you don't care..then have fun with this guy until something better comes along but don't invest too much of your heart or head in this. And don't wait around for him to get a new job or whatever else, he's already told you his intentions. Chances are he won't change his tune.

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