My true coloros

My parents are divorced, my mother left my father (because he was a useless j***) when i was 2 months old and took me with her. she worked hard, gave me everything i needed, she did everything for me. but i never loved my mother. but i just ignored the fact that i didn't feel affection for her.

when i was in highschool i realised that it wasn't just my mother. i had acquaintances, but i never thought of them as "friends", because (in my point of view) everyone was/is annoying, stupid and dumb.

of course i'd feel lonely... i had depression, started to cut myself & i had painkiller addiction.

then , i started to pretend to be someone sweet & friendly, always smiling. i even got a few bfs, but i'd always break up with them after 2 months. i'd said things like "i love you" and "i missed you" but i was lying.

actually i like manipulating everyone around me...

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  • Have you ever gone to a doctor to get a diagnosis for what you are feeling or are not feeling? Not just for the depression, but for your lack of being able to get close to people. It's either severe abandonment or something entirely different like antisocial personality disorder. Manipulation maybe be just how you have learned to survive. Sounds like you actually want to feel something deeper for someone else. Maybe worth looking into..

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