I love my son but I see so much of his

I love my son but I see so much of his father in him and I just want to slap the crap out of him. I hate the way he bullies his younger brother and is so controlling over him- but then takes whatever he wants of his brothers room without asking. If his brother did that he'd hit the roof. He doesn't take care of anything, doesn't want certain toys anymore but refuses to let them go. He is just like his dad. His dad was a great big abusive creep. Thankfully I moved away before he had the chance to see much of his dad's behavior in action but his dad is still mean and hateful. His dad never even called for our youngest son's birthday, never came to school functions- basically stayed gone. But when we moved he screamed b***** murder that I was trying to take his kids away. He's not even listed as an emergency medical contact for his own children. He doesn't know their middle names even. But both have the habit of always taking and never giving. Don't get me wrong- my son's not an 'out of control teen'. He pushes it just like any other kid but I panic because I don't want to see him become his father- terrorizing and trying to control some girl he meets up with, taking from her and never offering anything in return. I don't want him terrorizing some girl the way his dad terrorized me. It's like they both have an inability to recognize that they are existing with other people. The only thing that matters is what they want and what they need. If someone were on fire but they were thirsty, they would take the glass of water for themselves rather than help the person on fire. Unless someone is watching- then they both turn into Captain Pleasant. I worry my son will end up like his dad. A great big j*** that no one can stand to be around.

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  • You're letting him rule the house to his liking. Put down some rules about privacy and the right to be respected to a certain extent. Do a 'clean house' on the toys he wants. Just put them into some sort of storage so they'll still be there, but just not out. Box them up.

    Regarding the husband, let him have the access he wants but make it a point that helping him do that isn't a concern of yours. You really won't be able to make your kid 'not be like his Dad' but you can still set the rules for your house. Control what you can control, and let the kid be an a******. The girl he meets might not put up with his s*** like you did for your husband. But then again she might put up with it. Threaten that you'll be the mother-in-law and will always have a connection to her parents if they want to know how he's treating her.
    I dunno... look at the bright side I suppose. If he's all Mr Pleasant you'll be the one to squeal on him to the girls parents. If you think about it, you can do some real damage to his plans if you want. Just warn whoever that he's like his dad, and his dad did 'this and that'.

    *shrug*

  • Do your best. Your son needs guidance and firm boundaries. Your son is finding his way in the world, but genetically he probably still has some stuff from his dad. Hang in there and shape your son to be the man he could be. There are good books and websites out there. Look them up!

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