He's friends with his ex-wife. What's up with that?

It bothers me that my S.O. is friends with his ex-wife a lot more than I'd like to admit. They didn't have kids together.

My S.O. and I have been together for almost three years now, and I've never even met the ex, even though she knows about me. He told me that us meeting would be "strange." And that's why this feels so weird to me -- that he feels uncomfortable with the two of us even meeting each other. I can't think of anyone in my life I don't want him to meet.

The two of them aren't sleeping together, I do know this for sure. The dynamic between them is hard to explain. She's from a country where women expect to be treated like children by their mates. So it's almost like he's still taking care of her like he would his kid. The ex-wife has a serious boyfriend that my S.O. has never met. I can't help but to wonder what he thinks about this.

I can't even talk about this with my close friends. I know what they'd have to say about it.

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  • You know... it's okay for a person to have s** with more than one person. Just because monogamy is what you were taught doesn't mean it's the only way. Try to expand your mind beyond possessiveness and jealousy. That s*** ruins so many relationships. If he really is f****** her, or wants to f*** her... communication is the most important factor you could possibly have. Talk to him. Let him talk to you. Just talk about it, on equal terms.

  • Relationships are hard. We are not only dealing with the attitudes, as well as concepts of how a person perceives the world, but their past baggage comes with them. If you are positive that this not a sexual relationship for now, then you should proceed to what other type of relationship can it be. What type of person is he? Talkative or closed-up? Does he have abandonment issues? Maybe he had to take care of someone when he was little, just like he is looking over his ex now. How long where they together? Time leads to habit, habits that take root deep into our unconsciousness, making them almost second reflexes. Ideally, it would be nice if he would be consciously aware of this pattern and his behavior, as well as give you a satisfactory definition of what it means. Again, that's just ideally but it probably won't happen. So you have at least 4 options here. (1) If it's a friendship tell him you wanted in the open. If he refuses, to acknowledge this or doesn't give you a chance for discussion. Your answer is clear. (2) Second option is to stay and try to work it out (by that I mean actively seeking a compromise). (3) The third option is the most devious and effective of all choices. It seems to me that he is more of father figure or protective one over her life. So filled that void, at a minor scale with a dog/etc.pet, at the big league level with yourself or even children. Careful with this route, after all nothing is permanent in this life, you might end up one day being the ex who he has ties with.
    (4) The fourth is to do nothing but accept the situation and conform yourself to it. It's hard... by the way he has handle this until now, it gives itself to future doubts of how that relationship can progress in the future, since it's not CLEARLY defined or in the open. But if you can live happy with this option, go for it.

    Good Luck!

  • Oh please, anyone with a brain would know that he's f****** her.

  • Definitely. He is totally hitting that s***.

  • yep.....tappin that ass.....hard

  • Sounds pretty fishy... Are they hanging out all the time, or call each other all the time? They don't have kids together, so he has to consciously make time for her or goout of his way to talk/be with her. I'd call bullshit on the not sleeping together.. and why would it be so "strange" for you twoto meet... i think you're being played, call him out on the bullshit

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