Step daughter drama

I married late in life at 55 my husband was 55 divorced his daughter is 34 separated with two children she is in another state on welfare and has food and additional help for her children. Right when we were getting married his ex-wife died so I had some wedding money that was given to me for patio furniture which we used for us to travel to another state to help his daughter I have given up a lot. we've gotten loans on my house so we can just get breathing room and afford our own life we want to retire. He feels insane guilt because of the ex-wife. She was living with my husband when I met him her and her boyfriend lived my husband . He did all the work worked a 40 hour job cooked and cleaned they played f****** video games I would never have put up with When I met him both of them live together and they were both in collections for unpaid bills I came into his life and used my money to help get him out of debt and on the right track he pulled some other bullshit with buying a car that was $700 a month payments because his credit was so bad I eventually used more of our saved money to pay off that track and get lower payments in the meantime his daughter cries all the time because their ex doesn't do anything he didn't do anything before but her children now are so f***** up they have missing teeth black under their eyes they're uncontrollable . They have been thrown off buses babysitters don't want to babysit them she has absolutely no control and she continues to never control so we give her a little money every week we pay her car insurance we have one income tons of bills ourselves I am almost ready for retirement. She just can't seem to put some gas in her car and be Sensible about anything she has wined and cried for the last seven years . Her child has obvious symptoms of autism and she never wanted to get him tested thinking that he would have problems later in life which to me is bullshit so now this seven-year-old can barely read or write and all she likes to do is smoke weed and daddy just wants to rescue her because he feels guilty. She has no friends, is very, very difficult to be friends with because it's everybody else's fault . My husband Constantly co's her she doesn't think car insurance is important. He calls her every day. She has never believed anybody teachers psychologists that her child has some problems and now it is coming out tenfold there is so much other stuff I could go on and on and on but this is going to last the rest of my life and I just don't know if I can handle it. We got into an argument this morning he is just guilty he feels guilty about everything . He says I put him down and I constantly complain about his daughter yet I send a box of Valentines to the grandchildren I always send the cards on the one that organizes the money to be send I've gotten the loans for the house I have paid off all the debt . I send letters to those kids I send packages I try to be a good grandma even though this is not my biological child. He doesn't take me out to dinner he's always worried and concerned about her so it ruins our life everything for the last seven years I'm exhausted.


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  • I'm sorry, but all of you are collectively to blame for this s*** show. You're trying to close up a wound that just continues to bleed. Sure it would be nice to blame it all on the daughter, but she's just a symptom of a bigger problem. And you have to accept your role that you are enabling your husband to continue to enable her and act that way. He's really not emotionally available. That 34 year old daughter has problems that are directly linked to how her parents (one of those people being your current husband) failed at raising her to be a self sufficient adult. You want to regain control...your hard earned retirement money should be saved for you. Your husband is going to spend all of your money because he is clearly passive and has no idea how to save money. How you spend YOUR savings should be up to you, and you alone. Just because you married, doesn't mean that all monies are shared. Unless that is what you have agreed upon. The simple fact that he got a car he couldn't afford when he was in debt is a red flag. If you want to continue to gift money or other things to the daughter and grandkids, that is your prerogative. It's nice and generous of you to do so. Unfortunately, the daughter may feel she is owed something (not from you..but from her parents) so you may never get the "Thank you" you really deserve. Your marriage needs help - you have to start somewhere so go get some and then figure out if should stay or go.

  • .....sometimes.........a b**** just need a beating......

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