last maundy thursday, i went to
last maundy thursday, i went to confession. it had been eight months since the last one, and since catholics are obliged to confess at easter time, i thought it was the right moment. the priest in the confessional box was an old man, a spaniard i think, judging from his accent. at first, i was hesitant to tell him how much i had fallen from grace during the last eight months. but he called me brother, and i felt such kindness that all fear and hesitation left me. his advise was very wise and discerning . he told me that my sins were rooted in my self-centeredness and feelings of insecurity. but that is not the truth about how God sees me. i must learn to see myself as valued and loved, and so not be give in to the temporary and enslaving pleasures of the senses. i saw what he meant. whenever i give in to my urges, i always end up dry and dissatisfied--not to mention unclean and untrue to myself. but whenever i was able to control myself, there is a feeling of great peace. the priest said that i must develop good habits, such as temperance, self-control, optimism, and trust. when these become habitual, they become virtues and form a person of integrity.
i suppose this is not a very popular outlook today. s** is everywhere, and many would say that it is foolish to deny one's self the pleasures that are there. but i see now that either we master our flesh, or it will master us.