Lost Them Both... And All My Friends In The Process

I'm a 17 year old male. Not the most attractive, nor have I ever really had many friends over the span of my life. I've always tried to be as nice as I can towards others, but I guess I've never really fit in anywhere. That is to say for some reason people just seem to hate me.

Anyway all of that changed about a year ago. I somehow managed to find my way into a truly decent group of friends that I could talk to, that I got along with and well made life worth living again. And in this group of people were the two most amazing, beautiful and all over wonderful girls I could ever hope to meet.

I could tell them anything. As time progressed we became a trio of close knit friends. I would call them my best friends. I don't know if I meant as much to them as they did to me but I like to think I meant something. After a while something became very clear in my mind. I was hopelessly falling in love, with the both of them.

I never envisioned myself with the two of them at once, but I did develop separate and very strong affections for them during different times. There were even strong opportunities at times for me to make a move, so to speak , what I now think of as 'if only' moments, moments where one decision I made will haunt me forever. I waited too long to do anything. My own insecurities got the better of me, and because of that I lost the two of them.

They found others. And after that I did the most stupid thing imaginable. In a drunken confession I revealed my feelings, feelings which shocked them and made them incredibly uncomfortable seeing as they both now had boyfriends. They won't even talk to me anymore. And in that fall out I have lost access to my entire group of friends. Friends which as I always suspected never really liked me in the first place, because if they honestly did something like this wouldn't make them end all contact with me.

But at the end of the day who can blame them. Any of them. I am obviously a terrible person. I obviously deserve all that has come to me. I am not meant to be happy. And I don't need to be. I will always have the one friend I can always depend on. A dear friend that has always understood, never judged and will never leave me. My old friend alcohol. We've been together through thick and thin and we always will be in future.

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