I'm starting to resent my wife...

And I am too weak to do anything about it. We have been married for a little over five years now and I feel like she brings so little to the relationship compared to me. I know it's not supposed to be a competition, but I cook, I clean, I do laundry, I take out trash, I maintain the house, I work a very stressful job, and she does so little. She works about 20 hours a week and constantly complains about how much she hates her job. I paid tens of thousands of dollars to put her through school to do something she was passionate about and now all I hear is how miserable it makes her. She has a psychological disorder that is very treatable, but she refuses to get professional help because it is too expensive, but meanwhile she drives a BMW (that I bought for her), eats at restaurants for almost every meal because she doesn't cook, has Starbucks at least once a day, and has the cable tv package with every single channel available, which she watches for 8 or more hours a day. Her psychological disorder forces me to do some of the most ridiculous things to accommodate her needs, some of which are, honestly, detrimental to my health. She has gained at least 50 pounds since we got married, is now clinically obese, and is not interested in doing anything to get back to a healthy or attractive weight even though I have busted my butt to get dramatically healthier since we married. Our s** life is a total shambles, she is only interested in having s** in one position and it is so formulaic that between the fact that I no longer find her all that attractive due to her weight gain and the fact that s** is always EXACTLY the same, every single time, I have almost completely lost interest. She is controlling and intensely jealous, demanding that I spend hours on the phone with her every day when I travel for work, and getting angry and hurt when I go out to team dinners and outings, setting curfews and blowing up my phone when I'm not back in the room by the time she prescribes. I love her, and I made a lifelong commitment that I take very seriously, but I am truly miserable and I don't know how to change things. I don't want to leave her, but I'm afraid I will wind up doing or saying something I will regret if this doesn't change soon. I don't feel like I can talk to her, she acts so hurt when I even suggest that something should be different, and the few times I have brought up counseling she has said that she wouldn't go because if we're bad enough that we need counseling, then our marriage is over anyway. I just wish I knew what to do.

Nov 14, 2013

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  • It sounds as if apart from being extremely codependent, you have also enabled every step of her evolution into this version of herself. In a sense, you have created a selfish, spoiled and entitled woman that does not feel the need to contribute anything to the relationship.

    This happens. It's not uncommon. Look at our parents as an example, there may be some similarities. We all have past relationships that set us up for making decisions along these ways. But it is detrimental that you consider personal therapy and couples therapy if you want to understand how to get your hands around this situation, maintain your sanity, rebuild your manhood and hopefully one day, feel genuine happiness again.

    I wish you the best of luck.

  • .....sometimes.........a b**** just need a beating.

  • I was just thinking that if you reverse the genders, you've got the stereotypical 50s-era marriage dynamic. Not that one could expect a particularly lame keyboard warrior with OCD and obvious mommy issues to be able to grasp that.

  • She needs to read this confession. Odds are she'll react with anger so it needs to be a time and place where she's less likely to cause a scene. It may end your marriage but it may also give her the shock she needs to realize just how bad things have gotten and motivate her to seek help. Good luck.

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