I poisioned myself

All of my life I have harmed myself in all kinds of ways and covered it up by saying I fell, I was sick, I had an accident, I was in a fight or some other dumb reason that I made up. It started when I was about 6 or 7 I really don't remember, it went off and on into my 20's when I had a break down after stabbing myself and saying I was attacked and making it look like someone tried to rape me. I committed myself into a hospital for help and was in therapy for over a year and it really helped.
However about 3 years ago in a bad marriage I started injecting draino and windex in my leg. I have never admitted this to anyone, it put me in the hospital and I almost lost my leg because of it and it has caused a lot of damage. I have not done it since but it haunts me. I do not want to do it again and I know I won't because it scared me so much at how badly I hurt myself, but it still haunts me that I have been so emotionally f***** up to do that to myself and can't tell anyone. I heard about these sites to vent and tell the truth so this is me venting. I am so deeply ashamed and horrified by what I have done. I am in my 30's and want to be happy and free of this demon.

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  • It's hard to speak your truth, even in an anonymous forum. But you're doing it and you're making strides to better your life. Keep in mind, you're in a different place in your life now and it's time to make your 30's and 40's and onward the best they can possibly be. You can't change the past, but you can certainly move forward in your present and future. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Take it one day at a time and keep asking and getting help. Find things that bring positivity and support and happiness in your life.

  • The important thing is that you stopped harming yourself. If you feel you still need therapy than I suggest you find someone to talk to again if you're not in therapy now. People have done worse to themselves. Thankfully you're at a place now where you see how harmful it was.

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