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I really feel like cutting
I'm 39, I've been a cutter since I was 14 or so...possibly younger. Idk why I'm so depressed.. My best friend of 22 yrs was murdered by her bf 3 yrs ago, the anniversary is in 5 days. I know this is part of it. Other than that, I just feel so unloved and unworthy.. I wish I could be stronger.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I lost 4 friends who were killed by a drunk driver. It happened at a difficult time in my life. I got a tattoo in their honour on my forearm. Maybe something similar would be good for you? A beautiful scene or picture to preserve her memory.. but if you get it in the spot where you would normally choose to cut yourself perhaps you won't want to anymore. You can look at your arm (leg, whatever) and see that you have a friend watching over you. And even though she isn't here any longer it may still comfort you.
Stay strong.
Hope for the best, expect the best, accept the worst.
Don't hurt yourself anymore than you already are. Your friend wouldn't want that, God rest her soul. anniversary dates of those we lost are especially hard, aren't they? Instead of hurting yourself why don't you do something to make yourself feel better in your friend's honor. Make a donation. Plant a flower. volunteer somewhere. There are other outlets to your pain.
You can be stronger. You can work on yourself and be amazed at the progress you can make. It's not easy, but it's doable.