Cheating girlfriend

I've been going out with my boyfriend for more than 5 years now but 4 years ago I cheated on him. I don't want to blame anyone else because I know it's my fault although I've been sexually active ever since I was 5 years old. I seriously don't understand why but now I changed myself for my boyfriend because I know it's wrong. Anyways I told him about me being sexually active and that two older guys had used me when I was a kid. I 'm still a virgin until now but they have touched me and I also did to them. My boyfriend understood this and that he thought I was still young anyway but just 4 years ago at the age of 13 I let myself be used again by a guy older than me. I didn't understand why I let myself be used even though in the end I knew it's very wrong. I wanted to tell my boyfriend but I was too scared to lose him but just today I told him. You might think I just want to come clean but no. I told him because he deserved someone better than me :'( If he decides to break up with me, I'll accept it because I deserve it. If he doesn't then I would prove that I've changed. It's been a long time since the cheating but I am learning to control myself for him. I love him so much but I know he's in so much pain right now :'((( I'm just so scared to lose him. He's my one and only :'(((

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  • At 5 you were abused, not used. And it wasn't your fault. You weren't capable of giving consent at that age. Even at 13, you're not legally able to do so. What may help you understand your actions is to contact and begin to deal with the trauma of your abuse. It's good that you're honest with you boyfriend, that's all you can do.

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