I just need a friend. :(
Im so depressed right now. it feels like my life is spinning out of control. I'm 20. i work in retail making minimum wage before that i was a baby sitter making about the same amount. i live with my parents. the engine on my car went out so i have to use my moms car and she's being a b**** about it. my father is too. i have a nd I've been with 5 years he's cheated on me at least 10 times. i just haven't left him yet. he's full of s*** and pretentious just like my parents. and parents. he doesn't love me obviously. but i love him, and i feel stuck. believe it or not IM considered physically attractive and guys hit on me all the time. but my self esteem issues run skin deep. there's something wrong with me. idk. i just feel so depressed most times. but then i realize there is not one person on earth i trust 100 percent . not one. I've thought about suicide, but that's a very selfish this g to do when there are people fighting for their lives everyday. so i guess i can stick out. you guys, i literally have no one to talk to. i have three" friends" but all they wanna do is get drunk and high.... i had a pretty rough childhood. i was molested by my older brother. who o have to see everyday. he's 32. and still lives with his parents, guess karma is a b****. there was arguing and cursing and fighting for years. my first 6 years of life i was practically raised by my 3 sisters who were teens at the time. i went to an all white school and was bullied because IM not white. then we moved to another city with more diverse people and i was bullied for being a chubby kid. everything that went on with my childhood and thongs made me an introverted adult. people constantly question me why Im so quiet or shy, nut i think my childhood is to blame. ive always wished i had a second chance to be a child again, maybe next lifetime. if you want to be friends or send advice or just chat i can be reached @ email@example.com. if not, idk. IM just glad someone besides me knows all this now.