Sibling detachment..

I'm sick of my siblings. Even growing up my 2 sisters had each other, and my brother had his best friend. I'm now in my 30's and I'm not close to any of them. anything my brother does he is praised for. he got married, a house, a dog, and now a kid. If I get a job, or promotion, its never spoken about, but anything regarding my brother? goes for DAYS of congratulating.
My 2 sisters are best friends. If I even remotely try and hang out with them, they cancel plans, or make plans and leave me in the dust. and say "I forgot" they never listen to any of my advice, or ask how my life, job, or even my day is going. I make efforts with them, and they still shut me out.

I feel like they treat me the same way they treat my father. who left over 7 years ago. I never did anything but love, listen and accept everything they had to say. but once I offer my advice they roll their eyes and walk away. since the age of 18 I've lived in 6 different cities, and they never visited me. but once my brother got a house, everyone is over all the time. When my brother got a dog, they always offered to dog sit. they play fetch, walk and love on his dog. but when my dog is around, they push it away and say "Ew". they never offer to walk my dog, and when i ask them to watch her so i can go on vacation, they're "busy". when I got my own apartment, none of them have even bothered to come see it, or ever ask how I'm doing here.
I moved home after a breakup. They didn't ask if I was okay. didn't even acknowledge it.

I plan to move to a different state in about a year. I haven't told anyone, I don't think they will miss me. they haven't in the past. why would they now? The only "sibling" that actually cares about me, isn't even my blood sibling. I will miss her when I move.

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  • Thanks everyone, I'm glad I'm not alone in this.

  • Nope. You are not alone my friend.

  • I feel like I read my own life story. My brother, an only boy, is God's gift to both my parents. He can do no wrong, and yet, that's all he seems to do. Mysister and I are pretty close, but she is also the baby of the kids and is very much treated as dso by my mom. I feel like the black sheep that was left out to pasture. I'm the only one of us kids that has a great job, a great husband and is responsible. I'm the only one that doesn't have to "run to mom" for anything. Went I try to start a conversation about anything, I'm quickly cut off with something like, "I've done that but this way (which is usually better) or your brother this or that... it's extremely heartbreaking to feel that way, but like the other others commented, move on, let them come to you. I've done so with my brother and mom (haven't spoken to my dad in over 10 years) and my brother hasn't tried to contact me in any way, shape or form. Mom usually doesn't either. Feeling like an after thought isn't a good feeling, I know.

  • Gosh, that phrase "feeling like an afterthought" is such a perfect description of my own situation: that's exactly how I've felt but hadn't been able to put words to it. Somehow, just giving it words makes it seem better. Thanks so much!

  • It would be wonderful to have your siblings recognize your value and your appeal, but you can't make that happen: either it's there or it's not. And if it's not, then the best thing to do is what you've probably already done, and that is to develop a close set of good friends. They say of friends that "they're the family you get to choose", because you can't choose your family members. Be the best friend you can to every friend you have, because one (or more) of them may be in the exact same situation you're in, without your knowing it, and your outreach to them could be the very thing they need . . . or the very thing that saves them. Treat your friends like the family you wish you had, and be to those friends the sort of person you wish your siblings were.

  • Wow sibling rivalry still going on in the 30's.

    It makes more than blood to make afamily. Sometimes not even that. You've done what you could. If you're closer to your non blood sibling than that's fine. At least you have her. As others have said, move on. Stop calling, let them call you. If they don't it's their loss. You're an adult. Do you really need your siblings in your life?

  • I say move on. You did your part in trying to be part of the "family" and they showed no interest. Take care of yourself. I moved away from my family, different state and it was the BEST thing I did.

  • ^Agree.. it's sad, but what can you do? It's not like you're shutting all lines of communication down. If they want/need to reach you, they will. Let them put forth some of the effort. Make your friends your family.

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