First time confessing, Very embaressing.

First time confessing, Very embaressing.ost. When I was 18 (a few years ago), I was going through a lot and was at this period in my life where I felt nothing but numb. I had just gotten out of a 2 year committed relationship with a girl. She was my first, same for her. What we had was special for a while, but then it got old. She got very annoying to me and there were times when I tried to break up with her but she would cry and threaten herself if I left her. One day while I was at work, I cheated on her with this very pretty girl. We went to her car after work, and we kissed, while she sat on me, dry humping me, and I sucked on her nipples. My girlfriend found this out and we eventually broke up. So that's how it ended. But anyways, so everybody knew about it bc she told everyone. All this made me.feel so distant from myself like it wasn't me. And I hardly felt any emotions. I started doing things to try to wake myself up in a sense. I even did cocaine twice. Almost meth. This is all part of my confessions, but my true secret, is so embarrassing I can not forgive myself. I use to do a lot of business on craigslist and one day I came across the Personals section. There was a Men for Men section , and I started scrolling through the different posts. They were crazy to me but made me a little h****. So I figured I s aat the point in my life that I was bi curious. I so this one post this guy said he had some weed and he'd suck your d***. I sent him a pic of my d*** and apparently he liked it and wanted me to come over. So I did. That night. It was so F****** weird, and he was weird. But I smoked his weed. And watched p*** while he did it. And I left and.never did anything.like it again. 1 year later I was with this girl. I loved her. She said she loved me. I confided in her. Trusted her. We told. Each other secrets and I told her that one. She was a little surprised but said it was safe with her. One day karma hit me, for cheating on my first gf, I told you about. This new gf cheated on me. Said she was grounded and threw a party. I found out about it. Then some of our friends we were both friends with were over at her house, and she told them all this story. Now I think everyone thinks I'm secretly gay. I told one of my friends that it really happened. And told the rest she made it up. I just can't.let this go. I don't know how.. I have 3 other huge, and entirely different stories. Please comment your thoughts. Thanks

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