Controlled, manipulated and humiliated

At 22 in 2011 I got involved with Luke who is almost 20 years older. Within a month I moved in with him out of nessesity because the little amount of money I had was spent on drugs. I probably knew then but am sure now the only reason he is keeping me is for s** and to show me off for some of his friends. He has no respect for me which I really don't deserve since I rely on him for everything includung drugs. His business is in the lot next door to his house. The loft is where luke and I sleep but down stairs he has two other guys living here. Roland is his cousin and Jonathan his friend and both work for him. Theres a small powder room in the loft but the main bathroom is downstairs in between the other two bedrooms. It is very large with a seperate bathtub and a large glass enclosed shower. The yard has a high fence around it with a swimming pool and a cabana. Luke takes me on trips and buys me nice clothes and even bought me a car last year. I could leave anytime and he tells me so regularly but I just stay and continue to be crontrolled by him. I do take oxy everyday but only smoke crack a few days a week and thankfully it lessens the humiliation I endure. From the start Luke parraded me around in front of the other guys with very little on and insisted I be downstairs with them in see through night clothes and even teddies. Then he began making me show them my b****** and within the first year would have me strip naked in front of them. The bikinis I wear at the pool are the ones he picks out and are tiny tops with thong bottoms. He sometimes insists I swim naked well aware that not only Roland and Jonathan are there but some of the men in the work lot are looking over the fence at me. Last year he disabledthe lock on the downstairs bathroom and allows Roland and Jonathan to use the toilet while I am in there whether in the bathtub or shower. I ve seen them urinate many timesand neither of them are shy about exposing themselve to me. Neither of them have ever touch me so I am sure Like has told them not to. They do makeremarks about my body but never anything derogatory and think its a compliment. I should be used to them seeing me naked so frequently but I'm not. Luke is also very demanding with s** and every night we have some sort of sexual contact even if not intercouse. I give him oral s** at least three times a week and have learned to except a*** s** from him even though I do not like it. He also likes using s** toys on me and often penitrates my a*** with a vibrator. He also insists I be clean shaven down there which makes my nudity in front of the other guys more humiliating. As good as Luke is to me in other ways he is just as cruel the way he makes me humiliate myself. At least 2 or 3 times a week he insists I be at the pool naked whether in the pool or on a lounge chair. He has 11 men working for him and I always know a couple or more are either looking over the fence or looking thought the cracks at me. Luke is not a handsome guy and I am convinced he just likesto exibit me in front of other guys to make them jealous of him. In the evenings sometimes we both skinny dip together. Once out of the pool he has me give him oral s** and even though I know none of the workers are watching from the lot next door I am possitive Roland and Jonathan have watched many times. I tried to give up the drugs but end up going back to them twice as bad. Its not all bad since I can go out anytime on my own. Luke takes me out to shows and fancy resturants but of course I have to wear the sexy outfits he buys me which I really dont mind. What bothers me is my nudity around Roland and Jonathan and especially when the other men who work for Luke see me nude through the fence. Roland and Jonathan continue coming in the bathroom while I shower or have a bath and know when I am in there. I have seen their p**** many times but Jonathan has actually jerked off while i was in the shower a few times. When I told Luke about it he only laughed. I have even stopped telling him when the guys come in the bathroom since I'm sure he had given them permission to do so. I can't say I don't like Luke because I do but I do not love him. I know he is using me but its the price I have to pay for using him.

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  • I know a girl like you, but she ended up dead.

  • You can't separate out the parts of this situation that seem to you to be acceptable and tolerable from the parts that aren't. None of this is acceptable and none of it should be tolerated. Luke is a user and an abuser. Exactly as if he were administering beatings to you every night of your life. What's happening may not quite meet the legal/criminal definition of domestic violence, but be assured: you are a victim and what's happening to you is violence, if only of the mental variety. His telling you that you can leave "anytime" is not the same thing as offering you true freedom, not by a longshot. Luke knows you're an addict and he is using that fact against you, and for his own benefit. Reread what you wrote in your original post, and I think you'll see it plain as day. You may not be physically restrained, but you are certainly physiologically restrained . . . by the drugs and by Luke's manipulation of your physical need. He's horrible, and what he's doing is horrible. His abuse of you can be stopped, but you can't do that on your own. You're going to have to get help, probably rehab and therapy, but certainly counseling. Go to a social worker, one you trust, or one that a girlfriend recommends as being caring and truly concerned. Find out what treatment and support is available to you, and where. Do that at a minimum. And then begin the process of making a life without a man who only cares for you to the extent that he can extract things from you. You are obviously a smart girl, a bright one, and a beautiful one. You have a wonderful life out there. Out here. Find it. Start today.

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