Suicide and sadness
I was once in a relationship with a girl who I thought was perfect for me. The image I had of her was totally wrong and when I found out the truth I had already spent 7 years with her. Finding out the truth or some of it...was the hardest thing and It messed me up and totally changed me as a person. I also still have so many questions and think back often to times I was with her and think what she really thought about me as a man, person, sexually, and so on. She had been cheating on me for the whole time I was with her and the guys she cheated on me were better at s** than I and bigger p**** size. When I found out about this from her years later by email it just destroyed me. I had been alone since we broke up but after she told me Some of the stuff she had done and with who and why it just made me feel like I never wanted to let anyone know about me personally again or think I sucked or had a small p**** or compare me to previous bf's they had like I know girls do but never say. I know about life and girls and how they are now and I can deal with it but the pain or hurt I feel about what happened to me and being alone and trying to find a reason to explain me being single all the time is hard. I also feel embarrassed or ashamed for my parents having a son that has no gf and is older now 34 and it's not like I can tell them why....or anyone really. So I think often about suicide and put on a show for everyone I can like I'm not really sad or like I'm normal. I know one day I'll finally do it but it just sucks is all I can explain how it feels. I wish girls weren't so mean and just wish life was different and it just wasn't how it is.