Suicide and sadness

I was once in a relationship with a girl who I thought was perfect for me. The image I had of her was totally wrong and when I found out the truth I had already spent 7 years with her. Finding out the truth or some of it...was the hardest thing and It messed me up and totally changed me as a person. I also still have so many questions and think back often to times I was with her and think what she really thought about me as a man, person, sexually, and so on. She had been cheating on me for the whole time I was with her and the guys she cheated on me were better at s** than I and bigger p**** size. When I found out about this from her years later by email it just destroyed me. I had been alone since we broke up but after she told me Some of the stuff she had done and with who and why it just made me feel like I never wanted to let anyone know about me personally again or think I sucked or had a small p**** or compare me to previous bf's they had like I know girls do but never say. I know about life and girls and how they are now and I can deal with it but the pain or hurt I feel about what happened to me and being alone and trying to find a reason to explain me being single all the time is hard. I also feel embarrassed or ashamed for my parents having a son that has no gf and is older now 34 and it's not like I can tell them why....or anyone really. So I think often about suicide and put on a show for everyone I can like I'm not really sad or like I'm normal. I know one day I'll finally do it but it just sucks is all I can explain how it feels. I wish girls weren't so mean and just wish life was different and it just wasn't how it is.

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  • Size does matter, but it really depends on the woman in question. I've dated women who were taller than me and those women needed a bigger size. The women who were my height or shorter, I was a good fit for them. My point is it really depends.

    Don't give up, everyone has a match in this world. You'll find one, but you need to take care of yourself first. Feel good about yourself and great things will happen. It starts today. You got this!

  • Leave this in the past and find a good girl who's honest.F*** that hoe

  • How do I forget how I feel and years of my life? Everyone always says bullshit like let it go and move on but no one gets how it feels. Its horrible and non stop every day. I do stuff and hide it with trying to do stuff in my life, work, my dog, tattoos, work, talking to people, chatting with girls, working, watching tv, movies, eating, but it's always there and there are so many questions I have. Having to come to terms with how life is and how girls think and are and how I am physically has been hard...but the rest is just stuff I can't find a way past. It will always be there and theres no question of it. I could get married and have kids and try hard to be in love but I think I'll always have questions and wonder about stuff and think about so many things and especially how I looked and what she did will always be there in fact and nothing can ever erase or make it undone or untrue. One thing I always think of is how stupid I looked and always wonder how dirty I am or was at any moment I was with her and what she thought of me or them other guys and its just like life can not be that way. How can this could have happened and I kinda envy or f***** wish I was those other guys because their lives are perfect and not messed up at all. They have cool stories or it was just totally something else to them and her and I got this... It's like a permanent bad dream. I have thought already of how to do it just take a bunch of sedatives with alcohol and go to sleep but I just want a for sure way out and not some go to h*** bullshit because I couldn't take how hard my life was or how hurt I was. How messed up would it be to go to h*** for not wanting to feel bad anymore. And with my luck that would be the deal. No one gets it and its almost sometimes like I'm h*** already and don't even know it because its forever and non stop never ending and it wont ever end...

  • How long ago did you break up with her? It just sounds like you're overly concerned with how what other people think. What matters is what you think. All these feelings that you're have to deal with them and then empower yourself. You have to know that life is worth living. You're going to find an amazing girl. Do you have someone you can really talk to right now. If you don't have someone to talk to you can give me your email or something and I will try to help you in any way I can.

  • It was a complicated break up. We were growing apart or going different directions and I never understood it because of how long we've been together and all the things we had been thru and stuff she had done with me. It never made sense how she could just all a sudden turn soo cold or act so strange. So we took a break for a little bit but still saw and talked to each other. Then I tried to get back with her and she was just into drinking and I wanted to help her not become like one of those girls who gets used up by scammers who prey on girls who are kinda naïve about drugs and stuff. But it ended bad and then a year later she sent me an email saying how bad she felt and told me she had been cheating on me the whole time. I was stunned and shocked and just like someone hit me with a brick inside my chest but it made sense. I had always wondered when she did this cheating and with who because we were always together. So after another year or more later, maybe 3 I asked her for details and sexual details. Those things really killed me I'd say. Like really killed me same as a bullet but it left me just feeling like a ghost. Just going thru life with all these questions always trying to make sense out of it and feeling soooooo dumb and embarrassed. I'd have images and still do of what she did and how it went down and what must have been said or what she thought about me when she was with me after she had been with those other guys. Then I wonder why she even did stuff nice for me like buy me gifts or spend time with me. It just still doesn't make any sense. I go back in time kinda and I often think of when she had done something or been with those guys and then been or done something with me sexual or just routine and I wonder what she thought..if she thought it was funny or if she thought I sucked but then if that was the case why stay with me. Nothing makes sense or adds up and I know how guys talk and I only can imagine what they said about me. Its all just horrible

  • You don't need to justify where you are in your life or who you are with (or not) to anyone, including your parents. Your parents most likely want to see you happy. There are many people of all ages who are single and they are okay. Being in a relationship has it's moments too. You don't want to settle for anything that comes through your door. If you want to be married and have children one day, then do something to change your status. Be proactive and put yourself out there. Stop giving your ex any more power. She sounds horrible and you know not all women are like that. When people say or do things to hurt others, it's more about them then it has anything to do with you. It may help for you to talk to someone and deal with your depression. Suicide is definitely not the answer. Please seek help so you can really live your life to the fullest.

  • If only wishing it could make it true . . .. Unfortunately, it can't. Harming yourself isn't the solution. There are women out there in the world who aren't as mean-spirited as your ex, and who will love you and treat you with respect, just as you will her. Please don't harm yourself, or give up the search. There will be a future for you if you make it. Please choose to make it.

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