At Crossroads Between Love & Hate
I do the paper route at night & have been doing that since I was around 10 yrs old, helping my mom when we needed easy money. I came back at the end of 2012 in August or September. After a few days or some little time being there, I spotted this brunette when she was handing out the bundles of heads. I had 2 thoughts that came to mind: she was cute, and she had nice t*** from what I could tell from some of the shirts she wore. Her body wasn't big or fit, it was just normal with a bigger ass than I like. She's one of those girls where everybody in the place was friends with her & loved her like that. I also thought she was single because I knew I was gonna want her. After the 2nd or 3rd time seeing her, I looked forward to seeing her more & more, liking her more & more and everything about her. I loved her smile the most and I liked that everyday she would come in with a different hairstyle, my fav was the pigtails. And I would notice everything, like if she darkened her hair or got a new shirt - anything. I later found out she was taken, but it didn't stop me cuz some relationships can always fall apart. Every day that passed, I really wanted to talk to her & tell her I like her, I thought about her every second of the day, and she became cuter & more beautiful to me. And each time I'd see her, she would make my heart beat - I would never feel it the rest of the day, and she'd also make me weak & wanna fall over. I told her this too - if I was Clark Kent, she'd be my Lana Lang (like her final ep when she's infected & he can't stay away from her). In the middle of 2013, I had to text her something about the route & we ended up just talking for a bit. I flirted with her a little bit and told her that it's hard for me to take/keep my eyes off her, she'd reply with a smily face. I was so happy & in heaven talking to her, best night/day I had in a long time. Thought everything was going to get a billion times better, but then I tried texting her when I got home & she wouldn't respond. She later claimed she didn't like texting that much & only does when it comes to work. After awhile I sent her a few long text msgs telling her how I felt cuz I needed to get it out & wanted her to know. Everything just went downhill from there. At the end of 2013, I wished so many times that she'd leave the place & she did for a few months and came back to work there around the end of July. Now, I'm at the point where a part of me really wants to hate her cuz how she acts towards me & doesn't bother looking at me, and so half the time I don't bother looking at her even tho I still think she's beautiful & all. And it frustrates me & makes me wonder wtf happened? And why is she still in my life if nothing's gonna happen? How we could look at each other & talk to each other and now it's just hate. And the other part of me I guess loves her. 1 thing I'll always like most about her, is that if I tell her I missed her, she won't be quiet like other girls I know - she'd say "I know" every time. I miss saying that & hearing it, and I especially miss her looking at me & making my heart beat. I had to force my heart not to beat anymore when I seen her.