I don't want this life

I don't want to be married. I thought I did, out of love. I realize how immature I was to rush into such a commitment so young.

Now I'm living someone else's life.

I betrayed myself years ago by burying what I really wanted, to satisfy a religion I don't believe in anymore, and to not ruffle anyone else's feathers.

Now I'm paying the price.

What hurts the most, is I don't know how to admit this to my husband, or to anybody besides my friends. I keep it inside and let it burn.

Besides, I'm scared shitless about being on my own. Even though it's all I think about. I don't want to settle down and deal with this egyptian husband and egyptian in laws in this country..I want to go back to the US alone and start over. I'm 25 for f**** sake. I don't want to have babies and settle down now, when I've spent most of my life being the good lil muslim girl, staying home most of the time because my dads stupid restrictions.

This can't be all there is...

I love him, but I don't think it's enough anymore.

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  • You're living my worst nightmare. Godspeed to you. All I can say is, use protection, please for heaven's sake don't bring a baby into the world that isn't wanted. I don't know anything about the laws or culture where you are, but I hope you can get yourself free and back where you want to be safely.

  • What's worse living in this state for the rest of you life or the possibility of breaking free and doing your own thing? The downside to that is that you might struggle to get on your own feet, but struggling isn't so bad, it teaches you a lot and gives you a lot of experiences.
    Finding your own path is worth it in my opinion, and it's not like you have to sacrifice your religion being the good little Muslim girl and staying in is a cultural thing, not a religious thing. I know a lot of practicing Muslims who lead happy lives with a few cultural differences.
    Those cultures are not kind on women and don't always let women live up to their full potential.

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