I don't want this life
I don't want to be married. I thought I did, out of love. I realize how immature I was to rush into such a commitment so young.
Now I'm living someone else's life.
I betrayed myself years ago by burying what I really wanted, to satisfy a religion I don't believe in anymore, and to not ruffle anyone else's feathers.
Now I'm paying the price.
What hurts the most, is I don't know how to admit this to my husband, or to anybody besides my friends. I keep it inside and let it burn.
Besides, I'm scared shitless about being on my own. Even though it's all I think about. I don't want to settle down and deal with this egyptian husband and egyptian in laws in this country..I want to go back to the US alone and start over. I'm 25 for f**** sake. I don't want to have babies and settle down now, when I've spent most of my life being the good lil muslim girl, staying home most of the time because my dads stupid restrictions.
This can't be all there is...
I love him, but I don't think it's enough anymore.