The practical choice

I love my husband. I know you will think that's not true, but I honestly do love him. We've been married for almost a year. He's 23 years older than me, and he has a s** drive that, to be kind, is "limited". Mine, on the other hand, is off the charts. So, I cheat. Not all the time, and not brazenly, but I have other men in my life. My husband would never approve of this, much less permit it, so I don't tell him. When I go out, I simply tell him I'm meeting friends for drinks, which is always true. I just don't tell him that the friends are men, or that the drinks consist of champagne consumed in the beds of these other men, or in a room at a high-class hotel. I need more s** than is available to me at my husband's house, so I go out and find it elsewhere. It's the practical decision. And trust me when I tell you, it happens far more than you think it does.

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  • Trying to put a better face on it doesn't change the fact that a s*** is a s***, and that's all you are. Your husband deserves better. Judging by the age difference you described, my guess is that he left a previous wife (and probably even a family) for you. And this is how you repay him? If I were you, I'd be worried about karma.

  • I have never had adventure of bedding a married women. I would love to do that if I get one. I reside in Mumbai, India. Desperate to have one relationship.

  • You might be surprised at what you husband gets off on. I have always wanted my wives to have s** with other men but tow of my three wives said no. I have had three wives because of this fetish and it's not been easy to admit to them. But you never know about what gets a guy off.

  • In general, I think you're correct: lots of men would find my outside interests extremely arousing, to say the least, and you can't always tell. But I've known my husband for a very long time, even though we just got married earlier this year, and he does not go in for this type of behavior at all. I am shocked that you had two women who didn't want the freedom that you offered them, but I think that says more about them and their lack of sexuality than it says about you and your desires. I don't consider your interests to be a "fetish" at all, not in the slightest: you are willing to allow your women to find and experience all the pleasure possible, which is an expression of pure love, as I see it. I'm very glad for you that your have a woman in your life now who recognizes your value, and I wish you both all the best. Thanks for writing!

  • I'm in a similar situation. My husband has a very low s** drive and I just can't take it anymore. He's also not affectionate and its effected the way I feel about myself. Been getting to know a guy online the last few weeks. We haven't met yet, but it's going that way. When we do, I know we'll sleep together. Good to know I'm not alone in this. My husband would be heartbroken, but I need this. I've tried talking to him, it didn't help.

  • I'm really very sorry that you're having to deal with that situation at home, but I'm very happy that you've found at least one avenue through which you can get some release and relief. It's good that you made the efforts to get your husband to deal with the problem, because that will help a lot as to begin the relationship or relationships you develop away from home. Some women hate the word "affair" (I actually love it, myself, but we're all different), so if it bothers you to think of it that way, just call it a relationship, because that's what it is. When you meet the new guy for the first time, don't go into it with the idea that you have to sleep with him, because you don't, and things may evolve such that doing that would feel wrong to you: just don't pressure yourself into going to bed with him, nor allow him to pressure you. But BY ALL MEANS, keep yourself open to the possibility, so that if you meet him and like him, you can do him at any moment, if the opportunity presents itself and the heat is there. I think you're going to make a great lover, whether it's with this new guy or someone else. Whatever happens, enjoy yourself, and all your new men! Best wishes!!

  • I agree with you that this is the best solution. I love having an affair and have had quite a number of them, and know a few women who also have. As long as you're careful with who you have the affair with, there should be no problem. Enjoy!

  • Agree completely, totally. You really have to be careful who you go out with, and not get super risky with your dating. And I also agree that affairs are so wonderful, and I love the excitement of cheating, especially if the guy I'm cheating with is also cheating on his own wife. I don't exclude single men, no way, but the thrill of taking a married man into your life is amazing, just knowing that you're able to lure him away from wife and family, and into your "lair". I love that feeling, like you do. And I really appreciate your encouragement, and I encourage you, too! Keep having fun!

  • For over 20 years,this black guy has specialized in having s** with undersexed or unsatisfied, married women,like you. Its an epidemic out here and most women do exactly what you are doing.Age,economic status,length of marriage,etc do not even matter-women will cheat with or without a reason. Personally,I have concluded that married women are the easiest and quickest to bed,the most fun,most available,most discreet,have little or no problems for me,appreciate me and my time more,buy me the best gifts and have a high need for s** and companionship, than single ones.The married women with the most to lose are the best.Most don't want to be seen out and about with some other guy so they just want to meet you at a hotel or apartment,have s** and go home for hubby to clean up.You do what you have to do and enjoy it.If you get pregnant,thats another story. But your hubby will eventually know.

  • I love black men, really do: they are such powerful lovers and everything they say about black men and their prowess is true. Every word. I have to say I admire how devoted you've been to married ladies and especially us white ones. Married girls need love sometimes, and when they can't get it at home, they stray. My guess - just judging from your description - is that you've had a LOT of white women stray in your direction and that they have ALL found satisfaction there. I have had many black lovers in my life, but there is one in particular who has been in my s** life nearly for its entirety (he didn't take my virginity, but we found each other almost immediately after that), and I love him nearly as much as I love my husband. You remind me of him, which is a very good thing. I appreciate your taking time to share your thoughts, and in particular the idea that women of all stations will cheat "with or without a reason". That is so true. I have a reason, but I have married girlfriends who cheat "just because". You may very well have made love with some of them. :) Thank you!

  • I appreciate that you appreciate my contribution to this post. What you say is very true and I can almost taste your love for black men.Now that I think of it, although I have taken the virginity of a few black girls,I have never been lucky to deflower a white one-but thats besides the point,lol. Yes I have had many a married women enrich my sexual life and I am sure I have done the same to theirs and will continue to do so.There is no telling,I may have come across one of your gfs,although I don't know where u live.Keep lovin black men,even discreetly!

  • There's something totally irresistible about erudite and confident black men like you, especially when they know you're married and yet they still pursue you, not caring at all about your marital status or your vows, keeping after you until they get what they want......and until they give you what you need. They just make me weak in the knees and wet in the undies.:) As for my gfs, it's possible that you've been with one. For some odd reason, the group of girls I went to middle school and high school with wound up spreading all over the country, while most everybody else around our age stayed near home. And what makes it more possible is that we all liked black men, and a couple of the group even married them or are in LTRs with them (direct or on the side). So, it's possible that you may have been between the legs of one of them. Or more! :)

  • Another thing about dating married people, and which I'm certain you've found as well, is that one way to assure yourself of developing a long-term affair with them is to find out what the spouse WON'T do in bed, and then do that to/for them CONSTANTLY. If you give them something the spouse can't or won't give, you become like gold. There are a huge number of things that I give a married guy that his wife won't, but the number one most frequent is a***. Most women still refuse to give up the ass, so I'm always prepared to give it up ON THE FIRST DATE. Those guys always come back for me. ALWAYS.

  • As far back as I can remember,I have always had tremendous respect and enjoyment for a girl who gives me s** on the first date or very shortly after I meet her. I am not the type of guy to take u on multiple dates before I get between your legs.It does not matter to me how cute and out of this world you are,I get bored if I have to take a woman out more than once before s** happens. I tend to keep women who give me s** sooner much longer and lose those who make me wait for s** longer sooner.I have only done a*** like twice in my life,my buddies love it but its not my thing.I just want that pussie and as much of it as I can get.This does not mean I disrespect women or have anything negative,I just love women and s** and having fun with them,regardless of race or marital status.Early this morning,I spent a few hours online looking for women I had s** with on the first date when I was in my early 20s.I was able to locate information about the very first white woman I had ever had s** with(she was 10 years older than me, married but separated,and had never had s** with a black man either).At the time she had young kids she could let me babysit while she was at work,or later, s******* around on me.They are now in their early 30s. We had s** at her apt the very night me met at a club.I was so turned on by that encounter that I kept her for over a year and decided that married women were it.I have been operating in that mode ever since.A woman who sleeps with me the very first night is always welcome in my bed any time she feels like,so long as I am available.

  • OMG I just so completely agree with everything you said about first dates! I have done just that and just as you described it! In fact, in a few cases, when a guy would come pick me up I would go down on him as soon as he got me in the car to take me to the restaurant or club or movie or whatever: sometimes that urge just overcomes us and we HAVE to have the person we're with, right then, without waiting, and without going through all the introductory bullshit. This works on all men, of course, but with married men, it almost always makes them fall in love right away. I adore having that effect on a man, and especially a married man, having him fall in love with you while his poor little wife is alone at home or off with his kids somewhere, oblivious to the fact that her husband has fallen for you, and that you now own him. God, I just LOVE that feeling!! And I love that you understand it!

  • . . . and by the way . . . speaking of married men, I had a girlfriend in high school who swore she could tell if a guy was married by how hard his erection was. She said that married men get harder when they make love to someone other than their wife, because they are so much more excited than a single man would be. I understood her thesis but I never was able to find evidence to support it in my own s** life. Just thought you might be interested in that tidbit of experiential data. :)

  • Well you should never cheated on him if he didn't know he will and good by hubby! He will find out eventually and he will not be happy and he will be a bit cross at you! You should tell him you need more sexuality or you actually should thought about it before you married him that the s** might not be as good

  • We both knew each other quite well when we married. He knew how active I'd been, and I knew that s** wasn't as important to him as it is to me. I asked for more s** from him then, and have repeatedly asked again since the wedding, and he's simply not satisfied my needs. I see no reason to fight or argue about it, because it's not going to change anything. So, I have merely done the most expeditious thing, by taking matters into my own hands. He would be hurt if he knew what I was doing, or who with, or how often, so I'm saving him the pain of that discovery by being discreet. I realize it's not perfect, but it's practical. And like I said, there are far, far more women in my situation, and handling it in the same way, than you would ever imagine. Thanks for your comments.

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