Please help me
I am 15 years old. I have been in a relationship with my gorgeous and perfect girkfriend for just under three months, I know I'm young and it's naive to say that she is perfect, but I really do love her. When we first started dating she messed me about a little with trust and other guys and for the first month or so of our relationship she continued too. I put up with this and eventually overcame it. I have always prided myself in being a caring, loving and loyal boyfriend. Always doing the best I could to make her happy. Just before Christmas, we lost our virginities to each other. It was perfect, the s** was bad, but because it was with her it made it perfect. A few days later she went away for a week in holiday overseas, she misses New Year's Eve, my birthday and I don't see her until we start back at school. On New Year's Eve I had made plans to go to a rave, a big illegal dance thing and this is the first time ice ever done that, I ended up taking ecstasy and it was crazy and I really regret all that. We ended up going back to this girls house, a girl I had once been on a date with. We had got a little close dancing at the rave but nothing to intimate or pushing the boundaries. I stopped myself from going further because I love my girlfriend unconditionally. And I know that I can't lose her. The drugs f***** with my mind and I was also drunk and had inhaled done weed from second hand smoke. I am not like this I am a posh middle class white boy and this is not at all me. I ended up having sec with this girl back at her house, it was short, I didn't really enjoy it it was soulless I could stop myself because drugs and alcohol had screwed with my head. I don't know what to do. I love my girlfriend and I can't lose her, if I tell her I am sure she will leave me and I couldn't handle that. I just need advice. I know I sound like a scumbag but I'm wrecked and I can't look at myself for disgust and guilt. This girlfriend of mine? I would marry her spend my life with her if I could but what do I do? I know that I will never ever if it again and I have never 'cheated' in the past and had I not been so intoxicated I never would have. I know what I have done is wrong and I'll never forgive myself, but what should I do!? Please help me I can't lose her I adore her I'm dying over here and I hate myself.