To be honest I don't even know where this belongs or if anyone even cares. I am FTM though only a very select few friends actually know. I've been highly suicidal for many years now, although I've only had one incident in which I had to be hospitalized. I've been a cutter for many years as well.
My parents are both anti LGBTQ+ people, o often hear my father mentioning how all trans and queers should all die. I have a very bad relationship with my mother as well. There's no way I can tell them anything but everything is just killing me on the inside.
Yeah, I still have friends at my highschool, but I'm always that extra wheel. I never really hear from anyone when I'm not at school, I always hear stories of fun times of them hanging out...all I can do is sit there because the most I know are the walls of my bedroom. Most of the time it doesn't even feel like they really want me at the table...I'm the one who's just...there
So...anyways I've been thinking more and more than it's not even worth it being here. I can't live and even be remotely comfortable with myself. The only thing that keeps me going are the constant wounds, deeper and deeper, that coat the area.I hate the most. I've been thinking of ending it all, winning this time. What's the point of living if no one has any interest and you can't stamd yourself. I want to just end it all. Everyone time someone calls me by my birth name or pronouns it's another stab straight to the heart, especially those that know. I've been looking up better ways and I think I have a good chance of winning this time