I hate myself for loving a white boy!!! I will lose my friends.
I confess I'm borrowing my goodie girl room mate's computer to confess this after I pretended to be asleep and watched her in her crusade to help people on this site. She can't help me! She's such a Cosby Kid! I am a black female and a student at a university. I HATE WHITE PEOPLE but none of my friends do. I have faked being okay with them just to keep the special people I love in my life. They are such good people, moral people, kind people who want to make a difference. I love a lot of their projects and I've started a couple myself. One of my good friends and roommate has a friend who is a white boy. He is a pretty boy sports star here and he has white girls at his beck and call. Not all but many. This dude is always around because of a project my roommate is working on and I HATE myself but I think I'm in love him!!!!!
He so frustratingly kind and patient. I thought he was full of himself but with closer examination because of the months and months of closer contact, he doesn't appear to be. He told me he had feelings for me last night and I couldn't move. He just stepped closer and I let him kiss me!
It was amazing and I was overcome with emotion from a KISS! I had to stop it so I called him a few racial names. The pain on his face is unforgettable. When he walked away I vomited. I can't keep anything down and I can't sleep. I see his face and I can feel his hands on my neck and cheeks. I don't like the eyes of white people but his green eyes are like a tractor beam. His expressions have an effect on me. No one has ever made me feel this way!!! My friends love him an once they find out what I did to him I will lose them too. They are like my family.
He had tears in his eyes. I don't want to care but I do. I do, my goodness....I do!!! My life as I know it is about to change in the next 24hrs.