I hate being a mother
I hate being a mother.I love my son with all my heart and would do anything for him but parenthood is too much for me to bare. I never wanted children and my whole family knew this and when I became pregnant by accident at 19 and I wanted an abortion my idiot bd and family were against it.So off of pressure I continued the pregnancy. I suffered greatly in that pregnancy,had to be in the hospital several times just in the first trimester alone,the bd wsnt even there for the birth,left me and the baby, and the same year he got another girl pregnant and now currently lives with her SUPPORTING HER AND THAT CHILD, and to top it all off i almost died after childbirth. I had so many goals and dreams before all this. Before all this,I was getting ready for college, enjoying being young, just starting my life and loving it.Now here it is 6 yrs later and im a single parent, struggling,depressed, and still dont have much in my life.Every since i became a parent i have not been happy at all.people are always talking about how children will fulfill you and you wont be completely happy till you have a child.I think its bunch of crap.dont get me wrong children are a blessing but not everyone is meant to have them or handle them.Having children is overrated.Everything in this whole experience for me has traumatized me and now I never want to have any more children.And everytime i hear about these people who are against abortion.Im thinking to myself that these same damn people dont understand THAT NOT EVERYONE IS MEANT TO BE A MOTHER.EVERYONE CANT HANDLE IT.
I had a permanent sterilization procedure done.but to be honest i still wish i could go back in time and take it all back.I feel stupid for listening to my family and deadbeat bd about a decision for my own body and now look at me. Im the one paying for this not them.I miss my old life,my freedom,no responsibilities,minimal stress,and just enjoying life.Never again will I listen to people giving me advice about my decisions in life.family or not.But my son didnt ask to be here so im just gonna keep doing the best i can for him and loving him as best i can even though i feel like my life is pretty much over i can still try to make his good.And im thankful that I have a son instead of a daughter because i couldnt bare to see her go through what ive been through. Hopefully one day i will not feel this way anymore.And hopefully one day I will find that so called "Joy and happiness" that comes from being a parent that everyone is talking about.