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.....What have I become.....
Lets just do it this way. I am in a relationship with man C.
He is in the Navy and we have a long distance relationship.
After four months of dating, he asked to marry me. I said.
and ever since then we have been fighting and we have been together for a year and a month now...... I met C in highschool while I was dating S. S and C were good friends as well as me. I ended up leaving S for C............mistake. big mistake......Since I have been dating C, I have had more thoughts of suicide and self harm. I had self harm and was admitted into a Psych ward. ......but heres the confession.
........I still love S. I dream about him, miss him and want nothing more than his kindess again.........sad part......He is now my best friend. And C doesnt have a clue how unhappy he makes me......We fight too much ,C and Me............I want to be with S....but I know that will never happen........I miss him so much
... .... Here's ... ... .... My ... .... .... Answer .... .... ... You **
You don't actually "love" either of them: you simply love the idea of "the other". When you were with "S", you wanted "C". And then when you were with "C", you wanted "S". I have no idea how old you are, but you aren't close to being a grown-up. End the relationships with both of them -- you aren't doing either one any good, you're only satisfying your need for drama. Spend time outside a relationship and figure out who you are, then maybe try dating . . . but not "S" or "C". You don't love them, because you don't really know what love is. Find out, before you try using the word again.
^Agree completely. There are lots of other guys out there other than S and C. And you have a lot of growing up to do still before you are remotely ready to get married. Do not go through with a marriage you are not fully committed to. You hurt each more by going through with it. Break up and move on.