Can't stop thinking of my exlover

I'm married with 3kids. Had an affiar for ± 4years. 2weeks ago his wife found out about it, she thretened to tell my partner so, I confessed to my partner about it, he is real weird abt it he said he forgives me but I can't have contact with my "ex-lover" however I can't not have contact with him...I tried but we see each other every day shop at the same shops ect. We saw each other on monday and couldn't keep our hands off each other, we almost had s** again. I don't want to be with out him. When my partner wants s** I either make up something not to or if we do have s** I imagine its my "ex-lover". I still talk to my "ex" every day and we want to start a life together. We told every one we ended it but we still sneak around. He tells me every day how he wants to leave her to be with me but it seems like he is scared of her. We also have a child together but no body knows its his. Every one thinks its my partners child. I've never loved anyone so deeply and the s** is f**king amazing.

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  • What you're experiencing is desire for the unattainable. Your relationship with your affair partner has none of the weight or conflict of a full-time relationship: it's all about escape and passion and sexual energy. Of course that is going to seem more desirable to you . . . because it isn't real. At least not real in the sense of being complete. The relationship you believe you'd have with him if only you could have him full-time can't be had; it doesn't exist in the present or the future. The man you think you love in the affair is not the man you'd get if you married him. He'd be the married version of himself. Trust me. I know what I'm talking about. He'd be a whole lot less appealing and a whole lot more ordinary.

  • ^ Exactly. The grass is always greener syndrome. There are no guarantees in life and maybe the reason why you're not happy really lies with you and not who your with. Instead of dealing with your life at hand. However, this situation seems really messy considering that there is a child involved. And you say that you confessed to your husband about your affair and he seemed "weird". Maybe he already suspects something or maybe he's having his own affair. It still doesn't make sense, if you're not happy then file for divorce. Hire a lawyer, divvy up your assets, figure out child custody and move on with your life. If your "lover" doesn't leave his wife, you have your answer.

  • Amen.

  • I never forgot one girl I knew many years ago either. I married another woman but I still think of her from time to time and how much I loved her. If I had a magic wand and I could make it happen I;d be married to my first love rather than to the woman I'm with.

  • I feel the same, too. A man I had an affair with near the beginning of my marriage to my current husband was the love of my life. He got transferred to another state for his job and I haven't seen him in almost ten years.

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