I forced her
I got into an arranged marriage because of family pressures.The girl is much younger by about 7 years and just turned 18.Both of us are from well educated and well to do families.We were introduced and got engaged about half a year ago and as soon as she turned 18 we were married.I have known her for some time now.None of us was thrilled with this whole arranged marriage thing but went along because of our families.We used to and still do, argue a LOT.Not fight per se, but yes, argue.Both of us are considerably smart and often argue from the smallest of things like which colour is better to complex things like the parallel world theory to even world politics.I won't lie,it's actually kind of fun.And anyone who watches us finds us "amusing".Somewhere along the time I believe I fell for her and if not that, I would admit that I am attracted to her.I enjoy spending time with her.Until after initially meeting her I was in a relationship with someone.We even had s** and used to go out even after my marriage was fixed.My now wife knew but she never complained bc she is pretty liberal and said that she understands that this whole thing was forced.I broke it off with my then girlfriend after some time.My now wife refuses to have any sorts of feelings for me but her actions say otherwise.I will be honest, she is young and inexperienced and doesn't understand much of what she feels like she'd often say ,when I am too close that she feels "weird" or maybe that her stomach is upset.Attractive, yes she is but that is not what I love about her.I love the whole of her. She likes to maintain distance and isn't really a touchy-feely sort of person. She usually wears glasses and loose clothes but when she dresses up, she turns heads ,not really exaggerating.She doesn't care much about what others have to say and is pretty chilled out about pretty much everything and is an overall likeable person but that doesn't stop guys from hitting on her.I admit that it annoys the h*** out of me .But if someone is flirting with her and I like put my arm around her or sth she says that she isn't some piece of property that I own.I am not even trying to, just trying to ward the guys off.My cousin really liked her after he met her and a family friend of mine who was in her class liked her too and even proposed to her,before the whole marriage thing,and she did turn him down.But she did say that she likes him as a person.She has never been in a relationship and doesn't even believe in love so pouring your heart out just earns you possible rational explainations but she refuses to accept love or attraction.
She is interesting and fun and the only person that I have ever seen be truly content in life ,even with the smallest of things.Not just happy,but actually content.
We recently got married and went to Maldives for the honeymoon.Her first question was why couldn't we have 2 bedrooms which we clearly couldn't ask for bc it wasn't us who made the bookings.Anyway, the first morning after the marriage she had screamed her head off and woken up the whole damn hotel bc she didn't expect to see a guy in the same bed.I had to spend 5 hours in the manager's room trying to make him understand that I wasn't kidnapping her or forcing her until my brother in law came to testify that we were actually married. Now it was hot hot in Maldives and she used to wear shorts and crop tops.It was actually the first time I had seen her in shorts bc she is more of a jeans person,and in dresses and not to say she looked really attractive or perhaps "sexy" if you would put it that way.We hadn't been intimate at all before our marriage but while there in Maldives,one night I got drunk and I kind of forced her.In our country, marital "rape" as you might put it as since she didn't exactly want it is not an offence.She didn't understand much she didn't want it,neither did I want our first time to be like this.She obviously wasn't ready for this.She is so confused a scared that she wont talk to me or come close.After a few days ,she finally calmed down enough to listen to my apology that I was drunk and was out of it.She just seems really upset these days. Now it's just all messed up and she is now ,more than ever, into maintaining physical distance.I dont even know if she even remotely likes me and it's just all so messed up.