i want my boyfriend to be happy, but i

i want my boyfriend to be happy, but i want to be happy too, i do truely love him, but we fight so much that it makes me question how i feel for him, and i know i will be depressed if we break up, but im even more depressed when we fight, i want him to be happy
i dont know if he would be happier with me, or with out me
i feel as though his happyness is more importaint than mine
i feel very happy around him, the happiest ive been in months, but when we fight, i get really depressed, because he always makes me feel like s***, but i still love him
i dont know what to do, because i really dont know if i would be happy with out him, he gives my life meaning, before i met him i was thinking about killing myself, like really hardcore thinking, and as of right now, i have already been to the edge, i almost cracked earlier,but i controled my emotions, something that he has taught me
i think i would be happy with out him, it would just take a really long time
i am very happy with him, but i have cried too many times, hurt too much, and been in too many fights
i cant deal with the stress, i have 3 collage level courses, and he keeps telling to calm down, and he will help me, because apparently if we do break up were going to be best f****** friends, which i dont think i can deal with, ill wanna scratch his eyes out everytime i see him
i hate being this confused and unstable,im afraid if we do break up and its a bad break up, that i am not happy with, i might do something stupid out of spite, like slit my wrists, i know it hurts him when i say it, so i would prolly do it just to make feel as bad as i do....
i really do love him, i just dont know what to do, i am worried about him , i care about him alot more than i care about myself, i want to be happy, and if he is happy, i am happy, hes been thru so much and i want him to be happy, he always claims that im selfish and immature, ibe given up so much for him, my best friend wont talk to me anymore, we were like sisters before my boyfriend, but she is jealous that i have a boyfriend and wont talk to me, thats the other problem, if we break up, i wont have any friends, all of my friends are his friends, i really dun wanna go back to being alone
whatever decision he makes i will be happy with, because i want him to be happy, thats all that matters to me

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  • You need mental help more than you need a boyfriend,and you need to learn to love yourself first.

  • im sorry i wrote so much, i was really depressed

  • Too much to read.

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