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My boyfriend refuses to punish his daughter, I want to leave but
My boyfriend is generally a nice guy, he works hard and we get on well most of the time. He's a single father ( because mother of his daughter wouldn't look after her properly and is not allowed contact now)
He has had full custody since she was 6-7 and I got with him when she was 8 and my son was then 5.
Anyway whilst he's at work her grandparents look after her, take her to school etc.
My issue is, is that she is now 12 and a right little madam. She still calls him daddy which I have mentioned to him on numerous occasions makes me feel uncomfortable, she snuggle sup to him on the couch and rubs her ** all over his arm and blows him kisses etc, again I have told him it makes me uncomfortable. She also still goes into shower room and shouts " daddy I have forgotten how to turn the shower on again, can you show me" and he will go in there to do it for her, often she has undress at this point.
He never punishes her for bad behaviour either, she whinges all day if we go out for a walk " I font want to walk, why do I have to walk, Id rather be at home on my ipod ". Last week she had a complete meltdown in a shop against her grandparents. They were returning an item of clothing that dont fit her and she had a right fit because the only other top there that would fit her was £12 but the original top was £13. She stamped her feet, crossed her arms and shouting and pointing at her 75+ yr old grandparents. I heard about if from the boyfriend and I asked " well what are you going to do about it, she can't behave like that" he snarled and snapped at me " what do you want me to do, she has nothing o can take off her. But she has ipod, TV, laptop, phone, cd player, cinema visit on weekend. He could take any of these but refuse to punish her. So she got away with bad behaviour again. It's the same thing every week, she does summit wrong and he doesn't sort it. I shout at her and she goes whinging to him. My son is 9 and has adhd and he doesn't behave like this. This is purely bad parenting, my son manages with a strict routine and I am always correcting amy of his negative behaviour. He most certainly wouldn't have a tantrum like that in a shop!!!!! I'd expect it from a 1-5 year old but she's 12...
I am considering leaving him because it stress me out, I feel like I'm constantly fighting to keep our relationship above board and she constantly drivers a wedge. It's all because he won't punish her, if he started punishing her it would probably only take 6 months to get her sorted. I mean she's soooo disobedient. And she lies too, my son can be naughty at times but if I ask him.summit he would never lie to me. She lies to me when I ask if she has brush her teeth " yes I brushed them " but her toothbrush is bone dry!???? She thinks I'm stupid. She's a hateful little witch and I don't want to deal with it anymore but I love my boyfriend. I just don't think it's worth my effort anymore
After 6 days apart and without me sending any texts or calling him. I feel exactly the same. I cant tolerate her, her behaviour or his laziness approaching discipline. I am calling it a day. I qualify as a nurse this year with a full degree so will be working in the hospital soon after Christmas in my new job. I have had a long hard think about where I want to be 5 years from now. in all honesty I do not want to be married to him or living with him. I certainly don't want a bratty teenager ruining every day. I guess he needs t find a woman who is willing to do all the running aound and picking up for him and her. I'm 29 so I am young enough to enjoy my life. I don't want to be strapped into a relationship that I really don't enjoy. the past 6 days have given me chnce to think about all the things I want from life and what I willing to do to get them. I just feel that although I love him, I clearly don't love his daughter and that is a big problem. I can tbe in a relationship eih hi if I cant even tolerate her. I hate going to his house when I know shell be there. not healhy behaviour. s only fair to let him try his luk with another woman. unfortunately he is not willing to chang and neither is she so his relationships will all be disadvantaged. thanks for your help in allowing me to see the situation from an outsiders perspective. finally I'm making the right decision for all of us. especially my son and I.
I've done it. Told him today that I can't live like this anymore, I told him, I have tried to sort things with you but you don't listen.
His response
A cold heartless " ok"
So I just left. Feel kinda upset but he wasn't running after me so I guess he doesn't love me that much after all.
Never mind, it's for the best. Just have to go and get my stuff over the next week from his house.
Good for you! No doubt it was a difficult decision, but you know you and your son will be better than okay. When you date someone with a child, you're really dating both of them and the child's needs are going to be priority. Just like for your son. You're not (I assume) going to let just any man be in his life and make him secondary. Seriously, I really feel for the poor daughter, regardless of all her behavior issues. How can she not have behavior issues. She has a neglectful mother and from what you're saying an emotionally unavailable father. Thankfully, her grandparents are a constant in her life. It's really said that her dad can't express to you anything other than "ok" OR maybe he just knew. Who knows.. things have a way of working themselves out in life. Be grateful that you saw the light sooner than later.
I know this post is over a year old but im dealing with this now with my bf. His daughter is 12 and calls him daddy. She is a liar and a thief and he makes excuses for her and is oblivious to how she acts and disrespects me. She has caused so many problems between us I can't do it anymore. He doesn't hold her accountable for any thing. There are no consequences for her bad behavior. She is so jealous of me that she won't go to her moms, she doesn't hang out with friends, she's so babyfied it's sickening. Wants to be around her dad 24/7. She talks this baby talk and needs constant attention. I get children are a priority but I should be one as well. I will not be disrespected, lied to and stolen from. He does not confront her and discipline her at all. After a year and half I'm walking away. I hope you are doing well.