I lied about having cancer.

That up until this past year, I have lied and told everyone - family, friends, loved ones.. - that I had cancer. In truth, I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder, and have self injured for years as a result. I wanted to commit suicide so badly, but I couldn't drag my parents through that. You see, I have a sister who was killing herself with meth. It destroyed our entire family. So, I couldn't. I couldn't kill myself, but I couldn't have my parents think that I was willingly trying to kill myself when they were already losing my sister. Cancer was convenient really - I lost my hair from all my stress, I lost tons of weight from anorexia, I could cover up my cuts, burns and bruising under bandages and clothing from being 'too cold'. It went on for years. No one really questioned it; I even convinced long-term relationships I had that it was true, even though they never followed me into doctors appointments.

I told my (now) husband late one night in bed the truth. And he understood. He was more relieved that I could trust him with such a terrible secret. Now, a few others know the truth, but my family will never know. Funny thing is, my parents have always said the worst thing I could be was a liar. And I lied, to save them from my suicidal wants. It was terribly selfish of me... That being said, I never took advantage of the system, I never accepted money or gifts from anyone or any organization, and whenever I pretended I had treatment to go to, I actually volunteered at the local cancer clinic and patient lodge. In a sick twist, I've actually been able to help people from it. I've donated time and money to important programs specifically targeting young adult cancers. I've explained procedures and treatments to friends and family too terrified to ask those undergoing such things. It's f*****, really.

Now, I see a psychiatrist, and a counselor (neither know about all of this,) and take medication daily to manage my mental health. I know it'll just be a matter of time for karma to come back; it would only make sense.

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  • Like your husband, I also understand your logic. I don't think you need to confess to your parents, if you're feeling guilty about that. As a parent, I'd be devastated if I thought both of my kids are trying to self-destruct. You trusted your intuition with good results. You're lucky you have a good husband and that you're taking excellent care of yourself. There are so many patients with mood disorders who are noncompliant. The fact that you sought mental health on your own volition is an excellent sign. Forget what came before. Just keep moving ahead as best as you can. Which you are.

    As for karma, don't believe in that. There's no such thing as karma. And if there were, we'd all get bit in the rear. Nobody's perfect. :)

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