Knowing Me...

So here I sit. 5AM no sleep as usual. My mind never stops. Worse in the last 10 years or so. Only a hand full of people know the real me. I'm a psychopath. I'm 37 and have never cared about anyone or anything. Have a 5 year old son and feel absolutely nothing. Oh I can mimic emotion. I'm great at it, as well as manipulation. Only keep those close that can be used in one way or another. S**, money, etc. To meet me in person you'd find me great. Fast friends even lol. Always knew I was different. First memory I have is shoplifting at 7. To really know me, would scare most. I'm not violent by any means. Just ruthless. Are there others like me? Be curious to meet one. There's my ramble. Not sure what I'm expecting but, eh.

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  • I personally know 2 guys who are like this. Both murderers.

    They both had extremely narcissistic mothers.

    Both men's lives are ruined, and nobody wants anything to do with them.

    Please get help! It is available!

  • You need to get that internal friction resolved. It actually CAN be resolved, but you won't be able to do it on your own. Find a therapist, counselor, shrink, etc., who can help you work through the problem. Not all of them can do this, so don't be frustrated and give up if the first one fails you, or the second, or the third. Eventually, you'll find the right professional and he or she will help you understand that the emotions you are mimicking at present -- even the negative ones -- are an honest joy, and those will become your nature. Pills won't work, and neither will going to counseling for a few months and then quitting. It's going to take time, but it will be worth every second of the therapy and the work. You aren't sleeping because the gears are grinding too loud, the product of the knowledge that your nature is at odds with your behavior. Once the friction is gone, the grinding will be gone, and the sleep will come. Please don't surrender to the fiction that the things that are wrong inside you can't be fixed. They can be. And you can fix them.

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