Trapped and in love
I live a lie. I stay with my wife because I am trapped. I love my children. All three are great and I want to be around them all the time.
My wife judges me. She holds grudges. I am sloppy, but not overly so. She beats me down for it.
She wanted to swing over the summer with a couple, I got upset. I forgave her. I believe she is incapable of longterm compassion or forgiveness for me.
I would take the out if I could get the kids. No way that happens. I would really want her to be who she is the days that she says I am the best dad in the world. The best husband in the world. Maybe she could appreciate what she has instead of what she doesn’t.
She harps so much at times that it pushes me away and I think about companionship outside of our union. That makes me feel sad and dirty. But I need some encouragement, to know that someone cares, when I am getting the verbal beatdown. I deserve part of that beatdown. Just not all of it. And not all at once to demean every possible ounce of being.
Well that was cathartic. Thanks.