I'm 17 now. Ever since I was about 14

I'm 17 now. Ever since I was about 14, I've had this strange obsession with pedophilia. The thought of being raped and hurt by some creepy older man turns me on. The idea of dying in the process doesn't bother me at all, for me it would all be part of the experience, no matter how badly it would hurt.
In most of my fantasies since ninth grade, a man would stalk me for the longest time, get to know me, try to get me to trust him. And I wouldn't trust him, because I'm smart enough to know what's happening, but I'm stupid enough to be overcome by my urges to be hurt and taken advantage of. And I would act like I trusted him, and let him take advantage of me, and he would hurt me, and keep me tame. He would let me go home, and I would never tell anyone, and I would keep going back for him to hurt me more.
But I'm not even pretty enough for this. I'm ugly, and fat. No man would ever stalk me like this, spend so much time hurting me for pleasure.
That's the only thing I regret about having these fantasies...the fact that in them, I act like I'm pretty. I create them in the way that they would happen if I was pretty.

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  • It could totally work if it was like, planned you know? Like if the older guy was hot.

  • please go talk to someone. you really do need help, and there's nothing wrong with that. talking to someone will help you get over your obsession.

  • i find it interesting you want to be raped and f***** by some older guy but have no interest in working out to make yourself , less loathsome . That in itself would be a high, to make yourself the person you would appreciate...if you like so much pain , why not go through the pains it takes to get thinner?.....and maybe you will be prettier....i don't think you are in reality that ugly....

  • YOU ARE ONE SICK PUPPY. YOU NEED HELP. YOU BRAIN CHEMICALS ARE UNBALANCED

  • maybe some older guy could f*** the ugly outta you then you could get a real date.

  • you wouldn't like this if it happened in real life.

    i know what you mean about having fantasies.. i've had fantasies like that. But trust me, real life is something totally different. Don't put yourself in any situations that will harm your physical or mental health in the long run.

  • trust me, you don't want to meet a guy like that, or be raped or stalked. But if you do, people like that don't have many limitations. doesn't matter if your fat or ugly - just as long as you have a v*****.

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