I hate that your... that.

First off I'm a female bisexual, and I'm starting to become ticked off like h*** when I find out a guy is gay. Even when I hear something remotely related to anything Gay, I feel this... resentment. Like I wish things weren't gay..

I wasn't always like that. I was so happy when they passed the marriage laws in June. I met this guy last November, and I was REALLY into him. He was the first crush I had in about 4 years (yeah i'm like that) and he seemed perfect. You know kind to me, could make you smile, those gorgeous green eyes, and Argentine accent, etc. Apparently just about everyone else hated him at the work place (a high school), except me? It was such a wonderful about 7 months. I actually had something to look forward to, and started eating better then I usually did. He made me feel different. Happier then I'd been in a long while, alright.

Anyway summer happens. At the time I wasn't sure if he was going to come back to America because he isn't American, and he said something about probably not coming back? or something about a 'family reunion' or 'his mother is sick and dying' there's a bunch of excuses apparently. I was even praying to some cosmic over lord he'd come back. (yeah I know..cosmic overlord) And it WORKED! crying and praying in the shower had proved better than going to church.

School is soon starting again, I'm told much to everyone's disbelief, and snarkiness he's coming back! And that he's GAY, and MARRIED! Now, he isn't my first crush whose been gay either. More like the 4th guy... At first I was like whatever - been there 4 times already, then after a while I felt a bit numb, sad, angry, then sad + angry. I only cried more than I'd want to admit I did. I started practically not eating, and apparently visibly lost weight says my best friend. Soon after that when anyone mentions something 'gay' I feel p***** off. I literally wish he wasn't gay, it angers the h*** out of me as said before.

School starts again, and he can barely look in my direction, avoided me a lot, weird silence, and we only talked once and it was me asking if I could do this one thing, he said that he didn't need it, then got some other girl to do it instead. That irked me a bit, then I felt like maybe I was over him? Then he leaves the high school to work at a middle school in the middle of the week. Who starts a different job in the middle of the week? especially a middle school?? I was relieved he was gone, but it just made me realized more that I f****** hate that he's gay, and on that married. That I'm bitter, and jealous. I hate that this ONE guy 'changed' me just cause I had a crush on him. I honestly don't enjoy hearing about 'gay' things anymore. I feel more resentment. I'm beginning to f****** hate it. I hate that f***** so much, yet there's a soft spot for him. I hate with such a passion that it's what he is. Like good god Marcelo if i had a wish, or something of the sort..
mmm verification code: fuqU ... exactly how I feel..

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  • Its not their problem if you are attracted to gay men. You CAN'T hate gays only because you are attracted to a gay. You have to move on and forget about him, He is gay + happily married.

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