Why I'm depressed

I fell in love with my best friend. Let's call her Razz. I (btw I'm female) I loved her and still do love her so much, but she now has a overprotective boyfriend. He's unsure how he'll be able to visit her and if he even can, while I'm over here like "uh I can totally visit you!" It's it's stressing because I f***** up. She apparently did love me at one point which kills me more. I also loved... Two other girls, we will call them 'J' and 'C'. I still love them even though I only know them over online stuff and YouTube. And plus I have a ex girlfriend who keeps trying to make me kill myself. What's worse is all this rejection has made me look at myself as if I'm hideous. It's messing with my sanity. My best friends ex boyfriend literally lied about loving me over his girl friend early in their relationship, and he just destroyed my life. I still like him a lot even though we fight. I know everyone over online stuff but I'm allowed to save up money to visit them. And it doesn't help when I hate myself. My dads a alcoholic who loves his dog and video game more than me and never drives for a two f****** hour drive to see me... I just hate life. there's to many other things to say. I just want to die but everyone's like no you're so pretty you'll find someone! Bullshit if that was true why does everyone say that?

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