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I want to commit suicide

I am 13 and I am in foster care. I've always pretended to be happy and now I don't know if I can anymore. I used to self-harm, and now I recently relapsed and last night I tried to drown myself. I don't know what to do anymore. People think I'm so happy and that I'm never sad, but I'm never happy and always sad. If I'm being honest I just want help but I'm to scared to ask for it. I need advice, please help.

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