Nobody's Home

Its the very early hours of boxing day.
It could be any day.

I never knew how numb i had become. How uncaring and callous.

I've tried ending my life before.
I've never regretted trying to. I have regretted calling the ambulance.

Im not in therapy.
I was told i was fine after spending three days clearing my system of the 100+ painkillers i had ingested.

Last month i think i had a miscarrige.
Again i was told i was fine after explaining it had been a month of heavy bleeding [im talking a whole box of night time level protection in a day]

I feel nothing for the world because it feels nothing for me.
Often its like im not even here, its all just a video.
Like im on the wrong planet.

Its hard to distinguish whats real.
Whats just a hallucination.

For now i'll continue to busy myself in my full time job. It leaves very little room to think into these things too much.
I assume thats what every one else does.
Just busies the day away until tomorrow...