I'm pretty sure I'm crazy
So for as long as I can remember I've had an imaginary friend, I was diagnosed with bipolar as a teen after attacking a teacher at my school for very little reason , I regularly see my imaginary friends and people who are not there , they talk to me often , I regularly say and do things I can't stop and have no control over , I hate physical contact and struggle with any contact with most people !
My husband is great and understands me he makes sure I'm okay but I can't tell him the truth about how bad it is , as a teen I had an eating disorder that was never resolved I pretended to get better for a while and then eventually everyone left me alone and went back to my ways , I often take many diet pills and stop eating entirely , I can't be honest with anyone about how out of control I feel because although I want help I have children and I know they would be taken away if anyone ever knew , I have no friends and rarely see anyone except my husband so I avoid anyone finding out and keep my outbursts to a minimum ! I am pretty sure I've really started loosing it lately I can't keep track of what I'm doing and I am not sure how to deal with that , the only way I know how to feel in control is to stop eating but I don't want my children to see that .
I've spent many years fighting myself and I feel so alone but at the same time hate anyone being around me my husband hates it because I flinch if he touches me and I move if he kisses me the fact I have children is amazing because I really don't like s** either it's horrible having that much touching going on. Of course I do it to keep my husband happy but it makes me feel physically sick ! I can't cope with myself anymore and I just wish someone could help me